Managing mindset in the moments between markers metrics and milestones of success

I've been a little quiet lately, but so far this year has been shaping up true to prophecy on the delivery of moments that totally work out....but are often "off plan" from what I was WILLING to happen, or from what I might have expected. I did, but didn't expect to be starting the year with an unexpected move. And a non planned 2 month  (instead of 1 month) break from almost a decade of often 6-7 day weeks and 10-14 hour working days. Did, but didn't expect to still be running live arts and entertainment events. Did, but didn't expect to be getting a pay rise. Did expect to still be running a trauma informed Counselling, Communication skills Coaching and Training practice in my early 40's. But definitely didn't expect to be appearing on Netflix in an Australian Dramedy, crisis counselling a group of students as a Teacher Librarian in an establishing flash forward shot, first 40 seconds into episode 1 of a show, 2 years into my 40's.  How I fill my days is now so vastly different to 3 years prior. I've had to completely rethink lately how to be and show up, how to think about and what to do with those extra quiet and unexpected in-between moments, that lay between both projects, life's signposts, and life's next pinnacle success moment too. Stick with me, because there's both a personal update or two....and a message here about the navigation of the in-between moments. Relative to how we define and from where we derive both our happiness our a definition of our value and success. 



While I've had a few quiet moments lately of celebrating being done writing and moving onto the next phase of getting support to edit and format my book, one of the other things I've been getting excited about this week, is the launch of one of the TV shows I got to work on mid last year on Netflix this Thur the 11th of April.  


I’m really grateful for the 1 day, that turned into 10 days that I got to spend on the set of Heartbreak High Season 2, being resident Teacher Librarian for many reasons. This was such a lovely, amazing, dedicated, hard-working, talented and just all-around beautiful bunch of humans to work with. So I can't help but just be excited and happy for everyone who appeared in, or worked on this, as it goes live.  But this was also the perfect opportunity that found me (and became a recurring core backgroundy thing) at a time at which I was wanting to (inconspicuously and gently) stick my toes back in the waters of film and television and see how it felt. Having the opportunity to do so cemented my inner conviction, that, from an Acting and a Production and Direction standpoint, that “YEP, I DEFINITELY want to be doing more of this again, in a paid professional way. So I’m been both excited to see how this came together, super excited for this awesome young cast and for everyone who brought these touching, relatable,  needed and very often funny storylines to life. As well as just being grateful for the opportunity.



At 42, both the pivot to picking back up on a path that I'm a newbie at, compared to the relative certainty and predictability you get to after a decade of 10,000 hours and hitting some version of what you thought was the peak of your game in another capacity, (both in the Allied Health and Alternative Wellness industries, as well as in Customer Service and Sales) has taken a lot of mental adjustment. And required some deeper inner work and healing on the places in which I've STILL been guilty of propping up my own wounds around self worth, significance and value with external measures of achievements as being indicative of my value in the world and to others. As well as calling for a total re-think and overhaul on how I spend my time.  And a re-working out what exactly I need to be filling extra available time WITH. Once upon time, daily to fortnightly, to monthly, that was regularly seeing clients and regularly pumping out some form of educational content, that the world could constantly see and that I could independently produce at great speed.  While I’m sure streaming platforms Execs would salivate if they could do it just as fast, group creative projects with hundreds of moving human pieces often don’t move at nearly that same speed in their production timelines. Let alone launch plans.


Rarely does anyone talk about this out loud, about this thing that happens once you become well known for and then start to receive a lot of external feedback and validation from external sources, about how reliant your ego can become upon that constant external feedback from supporters and or consumers of whatever it is that you do. Or how you wean off the seeming reliance you can inadvertently develop upon it, to bring the locus of control back to self determination and definition of your own worth and value.  Less established performers, like as yet unknown Entrepreneurs, just don’t get that same frequency of external validation. Let alone that the public launches for any given Performer or Actor/Actress, may well have A LOT longer gap between the pubic content launch to the world of projects, compared to the speed and frequency at which a solo Infopreneur (or small team of us) put out content and marketing related to launches.


So, I’ve found myself privately recontemplating often 3 questions, as a lesser known commodity in the creative realm that I had left behind somewhere in the decade prior.

No 1 being how do you cultivate your own intrinsic sense of significance, value and worth, when it seems to you AND the outside world looking at your socials, like nothing 'professionally big' is happening with you right now? And hence you’re no longer getting that constant external validation and feedback of what value you're bringing to the world? What work does it really take to heal those inner wounds of self worth, significance and value? And to pull your power and focus back from "what do others think?" to what do I think and what great things about myself do I see for myself?

No 2: what can I be doing to take the initiative to make daily creative progress towards my goals and make this happen for myself, beyond what I did when I first started in my late teens, waiting for the next right thing to find me?  
So that I am taking the reigns of initiative where I can to do my part of making tangible progress towards my goals?

And
No 3, and possibly most importantly, what can I be doing and how can I be showing up, every moment each day of the journey along the way that not just gets me paid to be of service doing things I love, but that brings me a constant sense of enjoyment and fulfilment through the quality of engagement along the way?

Without getting so preoccupied and caught up with what others think; with what respect, or love, or attention some part of me thinks I've either lost for no longer showing up in service in a particular way, or is now waiting at some point in the future after I become and achieve "X" to be worthy of again receiving such love and respect from future colleagues, future partners, future friends? It's such a tricky thing trying to be present in a world that defines so much of our value based on markers of external achievement, wealth, status and success) without taking on and letting your mental boat get flooded and sunk by all the b@#$sh$t projections and judgements we hold around value and success?


As is the case for many people, something IS of course still happening behind the scenes when I'm quiet. The private business of family, friends and dating and relating I've felt the need to pull right back from talking about, in order to reestablish some sense of privacy, trust and psychological safety, in a world in which oversharing of what was once private business, I think has become also as much a part of the problem.  But professionally speaking, In case you're curious, for me lately, in addition to the self publishing design related activity, to the working of live entertainment events and the consideration of when to launch another round of private practice engagement opportunities, there is once again, screen related study going on, relating to being on BOTH sides of the camera, and attending webinars and industry and networking events. After a decade of learning about and Mentoring on Education Marketing, I've simply pivoted into creating an Acting related marketing and content creation plan that is in development. I've been finding a lot of joy and fulfilment in working daily on that. There is script writing going on. As well as script learning, rehearsals, self taping and auditioning constantly going on between other paid things. And this is a part of my life again. Which sometimes feels very far removed, compared to the realities of 2 years ago, of sending or replying to 100 messages and or making 30 phone calls about events or programs on any given day. Or seeing 3- 12 -400 clients at any given event. But why do so many of us in this day and age, feel like we owe the world an explanation of what we do with our private time anyway? To justify and validate our existence, our progress, our value and dare I say it, our lovability? 


While I don’t think there is a human alive that isn’t constantly living under the weight and anxiety of being constantly judged by someone somewhere, let alone us judging ourselves and whether we are or aren't yet "good enough", in this day and age, the former Relationship Coach in me often wonders whatever happened to seeing and appreciating each other in the moment, for exactly who we are, and what we bring to the table, in this moment, right here, RIGHT NOW? The more that I've worked with people the last few years in a private practice capacity, the more I've come to fear that it's not just me, but whole generations of us now, that are pushing away the possibility of both connection and happiness that could be available in the present moment, while so many of us are so busy striving trying to get to some pinnacle and be some potential future version of us, that we don't think that we are yet. And it's completely fracking up our ability to interconnect and engage with others in healthy ways in the present moment right now. While we put off engaging until we're finally "enough."


If we're not careful, there are certainly no shortage of people in the dating realm who'll reflect this fear straight back at you. When you DO encounter the guy via friends or dating apps who’s like, “so what are you, like the  stereotypical broke, struggling Actress working in hospitality,” instead of lowering yourself to retaliating with “yep…and what are you, the stereotypical corporate coke addicted, partying finance guy, trying to use KPI’s, status and material stuff to impress people, in place of any real lasting ability to actually connect and influence in a meaningful way?” It can be the great mirror reminding you that you've given too much of your power away to such beliefs and or other people's opinions of our value, that actually say a whole lot more about their opinion of themselves, than they really do about our own value. And can be a sign that we both need to do a bit more healing and inner work AND need to get back on with the business of doing you in a personally meaningful and purposeful way. And refocus back to engaging with and appreciating the gifts and opportunities that are already waiting in the present moment, with the other people like us, who are also living in it.


In reality, my own past experience has shown that there are A LOT of moments in life that people out there don't see, between the short lived moments of pinnacle achievements and moments of success posted to the world that they DO see. It's not the first time I've said it, but my fear with the younger generations now, is that we’ve all been so pushed towards the external pursuit of achievement, status and success, of KPI’s and metrics as measures of our significance, value and worth, and are now so riddled with anxiety and grief along the way about what we DON’T yet have and haven’t yet achieved, that we’re missing out on the possibilities of enjoying those little moments on the journey along the way. Toxic achievement culture (telling you to ditch those 'everyday losers who are vamping your energy and holding you back) also has a lot to answer for why some of us are becoming more and more dismissive of valuing and prioritising the nurturing of the connections that we are surrounded with in each and every moment right now. (While, I'm sorry, constantly fawning upwards to the people who we have some fantasy about them magically 'lifting us up to their level of fame, status and success' by association.) But also concerning is that we’re becoming less and less capable of deeming ourselves as worthy of actually receiving any of them in the first place? You know, because “I’m not enough yet” to be worthy of this person or that opportunity? When in actual fact, eventually getting to that point you want to get to in 1-10 years from now, actually starts with valuing and enjoying exactly everything that we are and have to bring to the table, RIGHT NOW. And engaging from that place.


In my own peak moments of past Leadership and State, National or International Customer Service and Sales success prior as one example, I never once got there (or back there) by thinking about being that every second, by sizing up the gap between me and there every second second, or even telling myself that I thought I was capable of that. But, several thousand times in a row, week after week, moment after moment, I just trusted myself to have the right abilities and the ability to channel what was needed to be of genuine service and value to everyone who walked into my space as a customer or client. And showed up for every interaction accordingly. Then periodically, some Manager, Mentor or Business partner somewhere, would show me an email or a screenshot of something that indicated what our community numbers were up to. or some stat that showed that I was now, or again, State, National or International Customer Service or Sales Leader that week in whatever particular area of service.  I actually hate saying that out loud, because every time I do, I worry that a thousand people take it a bit like the guy who told you that you were the 2000'th woman he's banged...like people are just a number. Which is NOT at all the case about the way I see anyone and everyone who ever crosses my path. But I can't make the point about metrics based success and value, without referencing the metrics???


Eventual material success is the accumulation of the thousands of moments that you just show up in service and get things done along the way. But sincere happiness and fulfilment comes I think from the moments in which we are actually fully present in the moment, with ourselves, and with others on the journey along the way. There's mental self validation and nurturing to be done. But there’s so much love, joy, laughter and relatability in that in-between space too. NOT just in the moments where we get momentarily patted on the head for the win.  The kudos we get for those moments is often both fleeting and quickly wears off when it's expression is focussed in only one direction. But the benefits of showing up and genuinely seeing and connecting with others in each and every moment along the journey, are both cumulative. And those mutual acts of love and kindness exchanged along the way, not only build connection, relatability and  trust. But also have the capacity to set off a chain of love related perpetual motion, made up of mutual and reciprocal expressions of love and kindness. And mutual vulnerable admissions of humanity and relatability. There is connectivity in truly seeing each other. Plus there is so much fulfilment and happiness that can be derived from both those acts of giving , as well as receiving the acts of love and kindness given to you by someone who has taken the time to truly see you and what value you bring to the table RIGHT NOW, in this very moment. Joy and a sustainable supply of fulfilment aren't just waiting off at some magical point in the future we're not at yet. There are though an infinite number of ways to connect with and cultivate it in this moment right here, right now, and the next, and the next. Along with remembering how to self determine our own sense of significance, value and worth.


Until next time. Have fun and take care.

Nat xx

P.S. you can check out Heartbreak High Season 2 on Netflix from 11th April.