Hey again. How has your week been? This week, I wanted to put together a little video for those of you in the Wellness and Human Services Industries who are in the process of looking for a Business Coach or Mentor. Amidst the intense, elevated experiences at events and or the first points of contact with people we admire and look up to, especially for women, we can get a bit off centre in the excitement, but it's really important that you stay connected to you, to your inner GPS and what you need throughout this process, as well as the energy of the awesome opportunity you're looking into.
A lot of what i have been doing this last few years in my work is supporting people through the sales decision process to ensure that they make the most connected, authentic and aligned decision, first and foremost for them and their business, over the long term. This video thus contains some of the info I've found you really need to know to help you to chose the Coach or Mentor with whom you'll have the most mutually beneficial, long term relationship Coaching or Mentoring Relationship, for you, for them and for the success of your business or cause. Have a watch to find out more and if there's anything that i can do to help support you through any upcoming big sales decision making processes, you're most welcome to book in with me for a quick chat and additional support if you need.
Ultimately a good coach or mentor is a partner in your growth and is there to lovingly hold you accountable to your own vision, goals and growth and they will lovingly support you to find your truest truth through this process. A mentor holds wisdom that may be of use to you in successfully actualising your vision, goals, transformation and growth yes. But ultimately, it is your choice to take it on and to do the work or not. And a good Coach or Mentor will respect your choice and own inner wisdom either way, plus encourage you to work through your blocks and tap your own motivation and ability to act so that you make the best possible decision for you and your business. They’ll also have enough integrity to say if they feel the partnership is not right for you both and to not take your money if you or they think it would seriously compromise your health and well-being. In my experience, the best coaching and mentoring partnerships are the ones grounded in heart-centred honesty and integrity, self awareness, the genuine desire to truly be of service, mutual respect and self responsibility, empathy, good, clear communication and trust, in each other and in the higher order of things. Not to mention mutual excitement at the prospect of all the wonderful things you'll achieve together and wonderful times you'll share. But that's me. Tell me about your perfect Coach or Mentor. What do they look like to you?
As always, thanks so much for reading and, until next time, have fun, take care.
Hey again. As you may have seen, on my Facebook page, for our theme this week, I was talking about the importance of really going for it on being our biggest selves and being the Queens and Kings in life, in business and in leading the change in the world we are here to be. This video gives a little insight on what happens to our vitality, our health and our quality of life when, for whatever reason (i list a few in this video) we don't step into that place. But there is no better day than today to get back on track and here are a few things you need to know that will help let go of some of the "stuff" that might be getting in the way of bringing your all on your business or leadership journey, including one of the models i introduce in my immersion days that will help it make a bit more sense ;-) .
Feel free to email me and let me know what you'll be letting go of this week to make way for more of you to shine on your journey. If you'd like to know more about my 4 session breakthrough program in which you can be insightfully coached and supported through any such "stuff", you can book in for a free 15min info call with me here.
Thanks so much for stopping by. I hope all is going well in your world this week. Until next time, have fun, take care.
For so much of life, while we’re growing up, going to school, starting out and then progressing in the workplace, when we needed something, or something went wrong, there was always a go-to person we could go to, to bat for us on our behalf, or who could help communicate on our behalf. Sometimes it was our family or friends or colleagues who we'd nut it out with before deciding if we do or say something or not. But when you finally either get to the Team Leader or Manager’s position, or start your own business, suddenly there’s no one else to bat for you when you need or want something, you’re it. If there’s any weak point in our ability to clearly identify what we want, communicate it clearly and hold to our truth, our feelings, our opinions, beliefs, and professional judgments while still being able to respect and work collaboratively towards our dreams in the face of differing opinions with others, there’s nothing like stepping up to the leader plate or starting a business to show you where your blind spots are in effective communication, as it relates to teamwork and collaboration. How does one build one's own confidence in the parts of our leadership that involve effective communication and collaboration?.
Self Awareness- knowing yourself
One of the hallmarks of effective women leaders is self awareness: know yourself. What are your strengths? What are your goals? What do you want, in life, in this situation? What do you need? Very often as women, for busy trying to please others, we haven’t learned to stop and ask ourselves what we need or strategised how we want to proceed. But we quickly become aware of it when someone else around us does something or behaves in a way that we realise by way of our disappointment or frustration or feeling like we’re missing out suddenly that we haven’t recognised or communicated what we truly need and want or is important to us in this situation up until this point. Then the invitation is to ask, what is really going on for me right now? What is it telling me about what my needs, my desires and my values are in this situation? Which of them are non negotiable, and which are flexible? After we've worked all that out. Then we have to get brave and communicate that to the other person. How do we effectively do that?
Be honest, just go for it.
Get it out and as close to the moment as you can. When it comes down to it, what you want and need in this situation is what you really want to be communicating to the other person with a view to moving forward towards your shared goals, plans and desired experience, both in this moment and in future. The whole thought process and emotional process you might go through to get there is yours, not theirs, it’s therapy. Sometimes It’s good to ask oneself before you bring it into the work conversation if bringing the whole bag of process work to the conversation is going to help the process and bring you closer or maybe do more harm than good. It’s not about being dishonest, so much as it’s about being discerning about what moves you in the direction of your shared goals and plans, rather than deeper into the drama of further upset and process work. But we wont always get it perfect before it comes out. Sometimes the act of talking it out helps us get clearer when part of us is still not sure. And that's ok. There’s always the risk that someone else might be triggered by what we say. But we can’t let that stop us communicating our truth in the moments that most count because of what might go wrong. It’s about getting it out with good intention that matches the love and respect you have for the other person. And the more we practice just going for it, the better we get at communicating in a way that helps us achieve our desired outcome, live, in the moment.
Back yourself, stay in your truth.
One of the ways we get off track at this point, particular if we grew up doing any form of people pleasing to survive the every day bliss of family life, is in backing down and taking on the others truth to avoid confrontation and keep the peace if we meet any form of resistance or upset from the other person we’re communicating with by expressing our truth. One of the things we have to do in effective leader communication is practice lovingly staying in our truth. Part of this involves simply recognizing that how other people react to anything we say is, contrary to mass projection and misconception, NOT actually our fault. Their reaction is the product of their thoughts and subsequent feelings, based on their past experiences and associated beliefs and perceptions of the world. They run whatever we say or do past that filter of experience and then either react favorably or negatively. But whatever they come up with is entirely of their own creation. At no point did you actually “do it to them” or “make them feel” that. As a powerful human creator of their experience, they did. Our challenge is to learn to be respectful and honouring of their process, yet not to take their stuff on. And be instead responsible for what we can do, say and control, which is what we choose to tell ourselves and how we choose to react and act in this situation going forward. To stay connected with our own awareness of what is real for us now relative to our wants, needs, individual and shared goals in this scenario and keep flowing in communication from that place. And then, as you (both parties) communicate from that place, negotiate the way forward. Holding to your non-negotiables, and being willing to lovingly stand by them. But ever open to compromise and adjusting based on your negotiables and the benefit of new experience..
I’m ok, you’re ok. Finding the Love.
Finally, one of the other things we have to learn to do as leaders, if we’re to be able to stay in the collaborative business game for the long term and successfully build long term relationships is find the “I’m ok, you’re ok” place within when we come across people with different opinions and experience, ideas and aspirations to our own, or with a different way of doing what is essentially the same mission. This is about learning to appreciate our uniqueness and diversity and stay in the space of awe and curiosity about our differences and similarities, rather than descend into the defensive volatility we can drop into when some part of us fears that "their" different truth means that us and our truth is “under attack.” In these moments our ego fears the possibility of change. So our challenge is to stay in our heart’s natural curiosity and compassion and embrace instead the opportunity for growth, finding the points where our differences are complimentary, over running away to re-affirm our truth. Or to, directly or indirectly (behind their back) counter-attack and judge the others back down to size until we feel stable in our truth, our identity and confident again. Part of learning to lead effectively is learning to, instead of spending so much energy on our sensitivities and lose time in reactivity, reallocating that energy to loving ourselves for who we are, plus re-deploying it to getting good things done, to achieving our goals and dreams, in business and life. And in this case, getting things done together, with a healthy love and respect for each other’s truth. Imagine how much more effective our communication could be on a bigger scale, and the collaborate possibilities that could unfold when we come from that place.
So it's one of those weeks where the unexpected happens. Maybe you have a health thing come up. Maybe there is a major event in the news. Maybe someone at work f#$%ed up, maybe you f@$ed up, maybe something ended, maybe a client decided you're the whole reason their world and their emotional health is in a state of ruin. Maybe the loan or that new high end client thing fell through. Maybe a friendship or relationship or a family member threw a metaphorical grenade into the peaceful pond on which you were comfortably floating along. Maybe an email went out with a major communication boo boo in it and now 6000 people are sending you and your team hate vibes in return. One part of you wants to crawl under the doonah and not come out for a week, another stronger part wants to land on your feet. How do you stay open to the good things life still had coming your way before this peaking wave of change started heading your way? How do you lift yourself up to the place, in scientific terms that frequency, where you can still meet and receive all the gifts and opportunities this wave is carrying in after it's smashed what was to shreds? Here are a few of my favourite practices to help you lift out of the funk and stay on track.
1 Let it go, so you can get back in flow
First of all, let's not try and hide or deny the feeling crappy part. That's how illness begins. Stuffing down how we really feel leads to either we blow, or the functionality of our insides does. So step 1- if you have to shake it out, go for a run, or smash a punching bag, or go for a drive somewhere and make like Annette Benning in American Beauty and scream your guts out in your car in the rain, or even blow off some steam via a wee spot of some high energy, feisty sex, honor and make time for your process, however it looks, somewhere in the day. Part of self love is acknowledging how we feel. All of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. Let it flow out and through in healthy ways you choose. As on the other side of all that overwhelm, grief, angst, is love and the energy of something better to come. Negative emotional states never are and never were meant to be permanent. Trust in the process 101 of human emotional health and human biological imperative to return to homeostasis. On the other side of that, one might also ask oneself, what was the golden gift in the experience?
2 Engage resolutely in multiple acts of gratitude
Start brainstorming anything and everything you have to be grateful for in life and, if you like, make a list, because, well, as they say, if you want to attract more good things into your world, the best place to start is by appreciating all that you already have. Who in your world are you appreciative of? What can you appreciate about yourself? How many amazing experiences have you had? What are 10 ways in which things could be infinitely worse than they are right now? I often make myself laugh with this one, Why not give yourself permission to do the same? Which brings me to the next point.
3 Let loose your inner child and play...
What makes you laugh like a 5 year old who just saw a funny goat video for the first time? What could you do for a even a few minutes in the spirit of good fun? In the age of Google, the possibilities are endless, as they are in the realm of human imagination. Gather some friends, whether virtually or literally and let the fun times begin,
4 Keep on giving
Sometimes falling on your feet involves getting straight back out there, asking who am I here to be now and how can I be of service now, and to who? What am i here to give now? What do i now have the ability to create? Then when you can, start taking little steps on being, creating, giving to that.
5 Allow yourself to receive
Who are the people around you right now you can call on who would be only to willing to show you kindness, encouragement, love and positivity? Who'll give you a big hug and a massage to get rid of all that tension? Maybe it's booking a massage and just receiving. Maybe it's going outside, sitting under a tree, going for a drive to a hill or a beach and receiving all the goodness and gentleness that Mother Nature has to give. Maybe its receiving the love of the animal kingdom. I always think of this episode of the Mighty Boosh in which Naboo the Shaman is helping Howard with his anger problem and uses the picture of Phillip the cute Kitten to help him mellow out. But seriously though, it's scientifically proven; hanging out with our pets helps normalize our heart rhythm and return to the warm and fuzzies faster.
6 Eat living food or natural, unprocessed food
Speaking of nature, what can you be eating and filling your body with which will support you to lift and feel light, plus help you to process out the stress and heavy energy? What foods will help you cleanse and detox? Build your immunity? Have you noticed how your insides sing when you have that green smoothie or that raw superfood salad? The whole raw vegan thing is not just hippy whoo hoo, there have been scientific experiments done looking at the energetic frequency of different types of food. The frequency of canned food for example is about 0Mhz, of fresh produce ~15MHz. The overall frequency of the healthy human body is approximately 62-68MHz. We're in serious trouble if the energetic frequency of the body drops below 25MHz....that's the death's door zone. But the point was, the human body seems to like it better when we eat or apply things (like pure plant medicines and essential oils ~52-320MHz) with an energetic frequency that entrains better with our own.
7 Have an energy healing/clearing session
A big part of what i teach my clients is energetic self care. The human body is one big energetic field of electrical activity. When we're stressed and unhappy, quite literally, the energetic rhythm, the frequency of certain parts of our body gets out of whack. Reiki, Kinesiology, Shamanic healing or any of the countless varieties of energy healing methods available can help us to get the body back in it's natural rhythm. Ask any staff member in a cardiac unit, they will confirm for you the absolute reality of the energetic aspect of our health. But if you need a little credible scientific validation of energetic healing, but aren't in the mood to pay for several scientific journal subscriptions, check out the 50 page bibliography full of journal articles and the remainder of the book full of other primary sources of evidence based and qualitative research on the effectiveness of Spiritual Healing modalities in the following text:.
Benor, D.J., Spiritual Healing: Scientific Validation of A Healing Revolution (Healing Research) Paperback – Vision Publications, 2000
Thousands of clients in that book report that they believe having energy healing sessions helped them get back in their groove faster. Many of my past Reiki or Shamanic Healing clients have said the same. Thus I suggest to you, or remind you, the next time you're going through it, why not book in for an energy healing session or touch therapy like Shiatsu or Lomi Lomi as a part of your self care and get back in your groove strategy ?
8 Tweak your environment to better support your wellbeing
What colours are you wearing or surrounded by in your environment? What emotions do they elicit? What scents are you surrounding yourself with and how are they supporting your health and emotional state? What oils might support your well-being right now? What's the air quality like around you? How can you get some fresh air? What music or lyrics are you listening to? This is important to consider, as we can literally start to become what we listen to. Negatively focused, pain filled songs can be good for step 1's cathartic release, but aren't going to support your cause much if you're trying to overcome depression or stop going in circles with the very trauma or heartbreak they refer to. Also listening to song after song full of heart break, or any frequencies of sound which disrupt the balanced biochemical and energetic rhythm of the human body rather than balance it and promote well-being too has been shown to negatively impact our emotional and physical well-being. On a subtle level, we even have to be careful with the happy pop songs to watch for subtle limiting beliefs implied in the lyrics by the writer. The same applies with movies and TV shows. Watch how your behavior subtly changes in life in the days following you watching several episodes of Game of Thrones or True Blood. Believe me, it does. What music, movies or TV will support your well-being right now? It's time to make some conscious choices. What can you surround yourself with or tweak in your environment right now which will best support your well-being aspirations and be your best self, faster?
9 Surround yourself with positive, inspiring people
Finally, one of the best ways to lift yourself out of a funk is to refocus on the positive by actively seeking out, online or in person people, public figures, Mentors, Leaders in your field, communities or causes, who inspire us and help us realign with our sense of purpose, motivation and conviction. Not to mention how lovely it can be to be surrounded by a tribe of people, whether in your family, friend or work circles or online communities who are full of praise, encouragement, reassurance and can mirror your positive qualities, gifts and highest potential back to you in any moments where you've temporarily lost connection with it. Bless them. Who can you be connecting with right now who will help you be and grow into the best version of you, succeeding in all that you do?
So there you have it, 9 things you can do immediately to lift lift lift in any given moment when business, or life throws you a curve ball, to help you get back on your feet faster, being the amazing person you know you're here to be, doing the needed work you know you're here to do. Do you have any other tips or strategies you use that you'd like to add to the list? Feel free to comment below.
Thanks for reading and, until next time,
Have fun, take care.
Nat talks about Self Expression, Heart Centred Communication and Lifestyle for Leaders.