Hey there Leading Ladies and our supporters :-) I'm not quite sure what has been in the air today this last few days, but I've certainly had my "no more excuses" Lady Leader break through the b.s. pants on when its come to the game of remembering who we're truly here to be and realising and expressing that potential, instead of buying into the old beliefs and collective programs that have so long held us back. The more you do your daily practice of connecting with the earth, your soulful self and your deepest soulful aspirations for your self expression and service that day, the more it becomes so blatantly obvious, like Neo at the end of the Matrix, when he's seeing all the code, just how much the things we tell ourselves each days are so often just that, programs that keep us from seeing and feeling the power of our true nature and just how breathtakingly amazing, you're truly here to be. So in this weeks blog, here are 3 more habits you need to be aware of that may be preventing you stepping more fully into your feminine leadership and being both more influential as a leader and effective in supporting your clients.
Remember that thing you used to do, or might presently be doing when something at work, goes wrong, and there’s a Manager above you? You know that email or that chat you have with them, telling them what the issue is, and then waiting for an answer on how to proceed? Getting all stressed and antsy when you haven't got a response and they haven't showed up to fix it all? Yeah, you’ve got to give that one up now that you’re the leader. You are above you. Now, instead of looking up to be given a solution, now you have to be proactive in looking within and without to find and discern what is the best one, in finding, as one of my colleagues put it last week, who can help you and what can you delegate to others in the process? Where can you find resources to get it done and delegate to people who can help you do the job?
Likewise, no pointing the finger and saying “They did it!” when stuff happens. Now you’re there to back and support your team. Which means both "we did it (because I'm in charge)", and "how can our business help resolve this for you and or get you what you need?" A great leader owns their stuff and is capable of defending, supporting and standing by their tribe through their growth and learning, as well as allowing each of their team members to step up and lead in their area of expertise, where their own expertise might be lacking. Like a King or a Queen, calling on their team of advisors, who are all Kings and Queens in their own area of expertise.
1- Looking up for the answer when something goes wrong.
2-Not speaking your truth about what you really want and how you really feel.
Have you noticed lately, how suddenly, you have no real interest in playing the fake game, and playing out the old victim patterns anymore? There’s some massive clearing going on around this in the collective right now. And our soul self more than ever sees how pointless it is to play it out and gains absolutely no fulfilment from playing this game, its trying to remind us how powerful we really are to ask for what we want and create what we really want, plus to experience our highest potential and expression of self. That old habit of hiding our truth and not expressing it, just doesn't fly anymore.
Now more than ever, in order to lead, we have to be able to own and be more of our authentic self and deal with the whole fear of upsetting/disappointing/enraging people and not being liked bit. Wether its the leader, your colleagues, your partner, your friends, your family, some random on Facebook, learn to become ok with saying it how it is, with a view of receiving what you want and need and vice versa, from a centred place, and facing the consequences. Become ok with feeling what you feel when you get a no, or in the face of people’s stuff, which may not even be about you really.
I know this one can be hard. Sometimes we spoke up and there were epic consequences that might have lead us to develop a habit of beating around the bush in saying it how it is out of fear of not pleasing someone and incurring the wrath of any potential emotional explosions and loss of love, of approval, of support (or income) that went with it. But throwing a tanty as a grown up, is not the best or easiest way to get what we really want AND build long lasting alliances in your world. And as leaders, one of our challenges is to stop giving our power away to our fear of other peoples emotional projection ejaculating all over us, in favour of pleasing and appeasing them (or rather the raging beast within) when they want something.
You can spot an "emoji-jaculation" by the fact that the people who have them all over you, don’t wait around for a resolution. They spray their shit all over you, like an automatic weapon, then they don’t wait because they didn’t want a solution anyway, just someone else to blame so they don’t have to step up and feel the discomfort of what’s really going on inside them and do something about resolving it. Staying comfortably in the wounded child or adolescent self wanting rescuing, testing for your buttons to get a reaction, rather than stepping up and running one's own show. You’re not doing them, or you any favours by taking that sh@# personally and letting it rip you to shreds like bullets.
The metaphor I see for handling this is like Neo at the end of the first Matrix movie, when he said "no" and nailed dodging bullets in ways that defy the laws of physics, stopping them in mid air. That's kind of how we have to be with “emoji-jaculation (projection of emotional bullets in your direction). Like the matrix, it can look and feel very real, but really its not, its a program, that your soul self observing can clear see. Which means you can put your hand up and say no to taking that stuff on, which stops the bullets in their tracks. But at the same time, look back at the person knowing that what they need most in this moment, is love and to find the doorway back to their “true” soul self too, out of the Matrix of projection. And then to be asked what they really need.
Thats how a leader handles peoples tanties. Likewise, that means having to own our human stuff any time we want to emoji-jaculate bullets of pissed offness over others. How can we love ourselves through that reaction, and then communicate what we really need on the other side? With love and gratitude, without expectation? This also means trusting that, if that person in front of us can’t meet us, maybe you can do it in the interim or someone else can instead of the person you asked. Every time you hear a no, remember, that’s simply a reminder to go knock on another door, the door with a happy YES I would love to help on it.
3- Our need for validation and acknowledgement.
This one is about the way our need for validation and healing can potentially de-rail what we're hoping to achieve with our clients by making us less available to be present with them. Watch out for this one from time to time when you're considering writing a blog or post in times of challenge. .
You might notice this when people give a lot of comments encouraging you and coaching you, but don’t take action on sharing themselves or signing up for you. It could be that their sense that there is more of a part of you in that moment needing healing and validation than is able to be available to help them with whatever they need. In which case, how can you give yourself the validation and love you actually need in that moment? Can you make time to have a little chat with yourself and keep saying “i see you. What do you need? Let me give it to you. I love you and I’m here for you.” Can your call your own self love down from your higher self, from your soul and give all of the wounded parts calling for love exactly what they need to receive to heal? At some point, to truly come into our adult maturity and leadership capability, we have to stop posting from a place of “hey check me out and see how great I am [Daddy/Mummy!) Do you see, do you see! Look what I did! Look how clever I am?” And getting all child- like pissy about it that no-one is available to like and shower us with attention in that moment, instead learning to appreciate our own love and validation, plus our own company. No one can be there for us like we can be there for ourselves. Because no one else is with us 24/7. So it pays to start chatting to and loving that being within you, so that you can be more present firstly within yourself. And secondly, with the world and with your clients.
Because while your clients, yes are there to hear your wisdom, for it to be of greatest benefit to them, it has to be shared once you’ve come through your challenge, from the lesson perspective, with resources to give back to them. Otherwise, if you do it in the moment of being in the depths of it, they’ll either try and heal you, or pull away until you have something to give back and return once you've dealt with it. Until such time as they can feel you have the internal bandwidth to show up for them. I”m not saying it has to be only one way all the time. But I’m just saying to be mindful of how your need for validation plays out and if its ever skewed in the direction of you needing validation more of the time, when people are paying for your support. They need you to, at times, be able to both take them by the hand and lead them and take a stand for them when they can’t see their way out of their own stuff. Or they need an answer. Or to learn a skill that you have, that they don’t. That's hard to do when you're both falling in and blinded by the fog. It's easy to see whats right in front of you, harder to sense what's going on for them on the other side.
So the question for remedying this one might be: how can I love myself more and be more present with and for my clients and and those around me?
There's no need for our past traumas to keep getting in the way of us being able to do the work we're here to do. If I remembered in recent weeks that this has always been one of my biggest fears that what I had been through would permanently get int he way of the work I'm here to do, with the technique I now use to address, with such love and gentleness, the resolution of past trauma, it has never been more obvious to me just how much that is not true that they will hold us back. But also just how very quickly they shift and heal and we come back to our joyful, fullest feminine selves when we be brave enough to and willing enough to truly heal and let it go. And then laugh at how badly we just fell for that (it turns out) completely erroneous emotion-loaded belief we had. I know some of you won't be ready or willing to laugh about it yet. But trust me, one day soon, I promise, you will. Come and do some work with me one on one and I tells you, that will happen whole lot quicker.
Until next time, have fun, take.
There is a story to this photo that lies behind this text and a reason that i picked that image of all images. That image is of Lake Hart is South Australia. I took that on my solo trip from Alice Springs back to Melbourne back in 2011. But it wasn't the first time i had been there.
You see, I had stood on that exact same spot on the way up a bit over 2 months earlier, in the pitch black of a dark moon, with a friend standing about 50m behind, patiently letting me experience what was about to unfold in that place. That night admittedly was a night of many experiences which defy "logical" explanation. And this was no exception.
I stood there alone, but not alone, communicating with people who were there but not there communicating in words that can't be spoken with words, but yet are felt and are known. They told me to look out across the lake. And as i did, i suddenly became aware of hundreds of thousands of people, all standing out there. and i fell to me knees and cried. Because as i did, at a time when i had just made one of the hardest decisions i had ever had to make and felt like a total failure for having walked away on the house we bought, the life we started building, the children we might have had and all i felt completely powerless to fix or heal, here i felt before me hundreds of thousands of people, as those i stood there with told me that these were all of the people i would come to help in this lifetime. They then told me that it was time to let go of the wounded girl i had come there as and step into becoming the woman and the leader I am here to be. After a bit of time, i accepted that.
And then they said, comes a test, for now you will be the one to guide you both back to the road and your camp. Now, if any part of me thought i was going to walk back to my friend and then casually defer to HIS awesome intuition to get out of what suddenly felt like a daunting task after we'd walked what felt like a while to get there, it was too bad, because those beings had just told my incredibly intuitive friend exactly the same thing that i had just been told and he repeated it back to me. And so in the pitch black, in the middle of the outback, with little more landmarks than a solar light on a train line in my memory, a whole bunch of tracks leading everywhere and just a tiny little torch, freaking out for having responsibility for my friends well-being now in those moment, instead of just planting my butt on the ground and waiting 2 hours til i could just see in where we were meant to go in broad daylight, I took the torch, closed my eyes, breathed and felt for my connection with the land and my inner shamanic compass and started feeling our way back. And as we walked and i lead this way, or that way, i felt for when it felt right, and when it felt off track and then corrected and got back on track. Until eventually, i caught site of some campervans in the carpark ahead of us. And though i brought us out a little to the left of the exact entrance we came out of, i basically collapsed in my friends arms with a massive sign of relief and "thank fuck, i was so freaking out for HIM...more than me, but about getting him back safe as part of our little collaboration. Though both of us knew too, in the company we had been in, after the night of defying all "logic" we had had, plus my many years of walking around the land, by myself, growing up, there was more trust winning than concern. And so we gave thanks, rested for a bit and then drove on, for 2 months of adventures and the kind of stripping back that of all the layers of "not the real you" that happens so powerfully in the heart of this land we call home.
So two months later, i had come back this day, in day light, to take stock of what i had achieved 2 months before. And if i had in my head in can't have been that big a deal, as i re-walked the tracks out to the lake that day, up and over dips and hills, round turns, through creeks, through pipes, over the railway line and through terrain that actually, wasn't it turns out totally straight forward, it really sunk in as i came back to start a new job Practice Managing an amazing birth focused Wellness Clinic for two incredible women i love, not only did i feel ready to have a wholehearted crack at the next level of this whole leadership bit, also i realised i had grounded a whole new level of trust in my intuition. I came out, drove solo across Australia out of that place a new woman, with a very different pair of eyes. Minus many layers of total mental b.s. about what i can't do. Through those eyes it was pretty clear what an illusion it all really was.
And so, i felt to write you a little reminder, at this time at which many planets are calling us to be still and get really present, in the present moment, rather than looking backwards at all the stories and the things we might have long told ourselves and believed in that stillness, perhaps its time to stand there and become present right to what is really going on for you and around you in the present moment right now. What do you feel, inside and out? What lies there? Who lies there? And what wise words of wisdom do you too need to just feel and just know, as it comes to you, straight from that place where no words are needed?
Claim them. Reclaim that part of you. Reclaim that power. And imagine all the wonderful things that can happen in the world and your world when you be that version of you. When you be YOU.
Until next time, have fun, take care.
The great thing about putting a bunch of little rocks in concrete though is you still have time to move it before it sets. Worst case scenario, you jackhammer the sh#t out of that sh%t that's been set for 20 odd years already and get a truck to cart away those beliefs so you can keep on driving resources along the road of your journey and the path of loving service.
Grab your road crew, your shovel and your jackhammer because it's time to smash some more money beliefs that are keeping you from being fully funded and fabulous in your life purpose darling.
Money is EVIL!!! EEEEEEEVIL!
If you pictured Grandpa Simpson and heard his voice while i was saying that, we're on the same page. Actually, though, it's not. Money is an energy and a tool created to support our intention and support our creation on this planet. Thus the intention and energy projected onto it is entirely in the eye of the beholder ad the custodian. Money is just the innocent inanimate object caught in the middle of one giant projection fest. Money will flow freely to the person who has, with the most conviction decided on a purpose for it and has the least amount of blocks in the way between money and them. So, as a kick ass heart-connected, integral money guardian, who, given more money would do epicly awesome, making a difference things with it, it's time to get really clear: Relative to your major life and business goals, what purpose do you need that money for? Own it. And own it fully.
I can't be spiritual/in service to the planet and have money
Damn, that's a shame. Because Mother Theresa was a money magnet and she was SUPER spiritual. What if money can be just as much a tool used to help the planet and people, as destroy it? What if the earth actually wants you to get your hands on that money to make a difference with it and is putting the people who know about money and how to make it in front of you to help you be supported to live your life purpose, to carry your voice further?
For the record every time I have ever sat connected in nature with mother earth, and the sacred feminine, she has never tapped me disapprovingly on the shoulder and said "go quit your life purpose because making money is wrong and i disapprove." But every time I've sat on the earth, I feel I am totally held and supported and will always be provided for, I feel the desire to love myself, to learn to receive love and support so that i know love, so that i can give more love and be helped by more people. And I remember one's ability to help a whole bunch of people is seriously diminished if one's broke ass lays dying in a gutter, so one needs to get one's hands on more resources and empower oneself to be a custodian of one's own destiny in harmony with this planet, in collaboration with one's brothers and sisters, as equals. What does that mean? No more 100K per year of charity given before charging a cent to support oneself. But charge, and charge well, so that one can fill up ones cup and ones plate, and that of a friend or family member too if one so chooses. There is nothing wrong with living a life you love, while being of service.
Plus, I could list for you 20 plus people in the next minute if you asked me who are millionaires and the most loving kind hearted generous people I have ever met. The living proof that If you're heart and soul connected, and give without expectation and condition, money allows you to be of service on a grander scale, totally in integrity, no scam, no b.s. sales and manipulation. Just feeling where you have a soul contract to work together and honouring it.
I am not good enough at what I do to justify charging more/my stuff is not high quality enough to justify me charging more.
Not true. With an entire lifetime of experience plus training, you know plenty. It's just that you possibly weren't taught to appraise how much you really know growing up. Or maybe someone at some point was threatened by how much you knew and had an investment in leading you to believe you don't know that much so that they could still feel all knowing and in charge and build their self worth on that. Maybe even their business too. This is sadly, a sad part of our cultural history on many fronts, throughout many points in time and space and has been particularly true for women....because at one point in tribal history, no woman wanted to be booted out of the tribe and into the mud by the alpha, our even at the other extreme, out of court, in favour of her adult daughter. It's also Western competition culture and lack mentality all over. If they realise how good they really are, I'm fucked, therefore I just won't tell them. All so "old paradigm!" Could it be time to take a look at what your financial set-point for receiving is for your work, feel into what you want to raise the bar to, and ask what does the version of me who's making that do, say and feel differently differently to make it so?
And my final one for the day-
In my own hierarchy of deservingness of money, I'm last in line.
I worked this one out intuitively coaching a friend one day on why he could never win the lottery. I asked him to picture a line for a soup kitchen in front of him. Picture I guy in a suit, a mum in old torn clothes with two young children, an elderly woman with a walker, a 17 yo girl who may or may not be on methadone now in recovery from drug addiction, a well dressed middle class looking couple, the monopoly guy and you. I then asked them to described to me who is most deserving of eating first. You can probably guess who was put ahead of himself and after himself, right? I then pointed out, this my friend, is why you have not won the lottery. Every one of these people exists in real life having bought a ticket alongside you, and as you just told me, several deserve to come before you in meeting their basic needs, therefore, how can you ever win, if you never come first?
It is the same with money in life. If we don't think we're deserving of or entitled to have money first for those we love and for us and all we want to achieve in life, above and beyond our survival needs compared to them, how can more money come to us? When somewhere in the system, we actually rejected it in favour of sending it to someone else in greater need? There is no lack of wealth or material abundance on this planet. There is enough to go around for all of us, our loved ones and more than enough to support the achievement of our vision and mission of helping more people AND living a life we love. The more we trust, the more we give thanks for all that we have, the more we live, the more we give, the more comes in to be given. because money loves to flow to those who give it a purpose and fully claim and own that purpose.
So, this full moon, while you replace the money block construction crew with the post demolition road clean up crew, remember too, in what ways can you be grateful for all that you already have? Plus exactly what purpose/s will you be fully claiming more abundance and resources for on your journey of service and living a life you love going forward? Go write it down now, or share it here, before you have a chance to forget :-)
Until next time, have fun, take care.
Hey there crew. How are you this week? The irony of declaring on Facebook yesterday that i'd be writing a blog about boundaries this week, was that i had to go through a baptism of fire and DO boundaries. Walking what you talk...don't you love this being conscious business?
Boundaries you say? Why boundaries? Here's a few garden variety customer service answers....
1- Boundaries help you maintain your clear sense of self and be true to you
2-Boundaries help you stay healthy
3-Boundaries help you get more of what you want out of life. They help you create the strong foundation of a building from which the things you call in in life can be held and maintained.
And like I said on my Facebook wall yesterday, along with this epicly yummy lunch, realistically, so much as we've been conditioned into self sacrifice in service to the world, if you're going to maintain the vehicle that is you over the long term, you have to be able to prioritise your wellbeing.
Now I say this from my life and work experience with the full understanding that there are times as a parent for example, or times in some occupations, like where there is a code blue, or red, or grey, when granted, you can't just sit there and say "screw you, I'm eating this sandwich!" while someone needs a jab with an epipen. (Well technically in the true soul sense you COULD if you wanted to, but we all know there might be the odd worldly consequence or perhaps jail term for gross negligence on the other side that may not be so cool for any one on any side of that equation.) But for the majority of us, the sense of urgency we can tend to impose on each other sometimes, let's face it, is it really real? Sometimes there's a genuine deadline and it is. Very often though, in the now age of entitlement, though, more and more, we're pushing ourselves beyond our own boundaries in the wrong ways, to please....who? And are they loving you back for the pleasing? If they are, great! If they're not, one might ask, what are you getting out of that?
One of the main differences between say "Tess" our imaginary single wellness start up business owner and between someone making millions, or the person with that relationship or great clients she wants is the ability to say no to what is not truly in alignment for her. If it feels like a part of her sinks inside for her accepting that or at the end it feels like a massive energy drain to her true needs, to what she really wants, to her wellbeing and self love, is it the right thing to be giving? What is in alignment should light us up like a Christmas tree with sparkles and a "hell yes1". And when we're aligned with the right pace of it, we will feel like we have room to breathe AND be and do at ease. All in divine timing.
This is not a slave train of servitude we're on. Even in the worst of moments in life, it is still possible to maintain our core sense of self. But life doesn't have to be an endurance marathon of sh#t either. Admittedly there were times in my life where, just NOT to be verbally attacked again for the 2 things i hadn't done over the 103 that I'd nailed, or even not in one relationship to have to spend a night with a drunk guy screaming at me, falling on me, punching me in my sleep was relief and bliss enough. And then healing happened and I took responsibility for what I COULD do to create more of the type of life I am living now. Which meant I had to raise the self love bar and treat myself better so that i could see more love reflected back. Not to mention, what? Yep, get some boundaries. There's a big difference here between self- sacrifice (to whatever end....people pleasing to avoid more conflict or to be more likable) and compromise e.g. asking where we can meet half way.
The key is to be able to identity and ask for what you really want and see if you can meet or meet somewhere about half way in the middle.
If "Tess" doesn't speak to what her needs are though, how can people respect them, let alone meet them? And if she's not prepared to stand strong in constant ownership of them, how can the foundation of her reality NOT keep collapsing into what she didn't want?
The key is to learn to speak them lovingly in the moment, with the belief, the trust, the right sense of entitlement that we can both be met.
If she keeps saying no to what doesn't feel aligned for her, or to what she know feels harming to her, then she will keep filling her life with what doesn't work for her, instead of the embodiment of authentic "Tess" and her doing what she loves, with people she loves, who bring out the best in her and vice versa and keep ending up tired, drained and unhappy for giving more than she can give, or perhaps waiting on something someone else will never be able to give?
Think Katherine Heigl in 27 dresses or Kate Winslet in the Holiday; she's the most likable employee/PA ever and yet she gets overlooked for everything she wants in life, the promotion, the relationship, whatever... because? She's not being her. She's being what YOU want, so there's less about her that jumps out and grabs the people around her to say "yes! It's you! I totally feel you and it's you!" The real her is hidden in stealth mode, checking out the coast is clear, before she puts her vulnerability on the table. The thing is though, you can't create the life you want by looking outside for who you're meant to be. That can only comes from deep within.
The combination of Patience and staying centred I was reminded too this last few days is also a virtue when it comes to being true to you. The more we lose our shiz when we are challenged on ours or others understanding of who we are, what we believe and how we operate, the less "in ourselves"we become and the more in our "stuff" we become. Losing your shiz, while sometimes thoroughly necessary to show that you're really pissed about that boundary thing that totally just got smashed, can have the unfortunate effect of pulling us out of ourselves as we hurl our reactions at another and then get pulled into the whirlpool of unfolding drama, as the need to justify, to defend and prove this point or that one, rather than stay present with what is really coming up and going on takes hold. What then is therefore required?
As a wise friend once told me, there are three ways to meet conflict.
1. One is to look it, grounded and centred straight in the eyes from the heart....and call them back home.
2. The next is to stand there as though a parent, holding that firmness of "ok, now you're crossing a line here. (Please) Back off." Which actually requires being able to match the intensity of the energy that's being hurled at you, but while staying centred deeply in you.
3.The third is to stay centred but choose silence and withdrawal instead of stoking the fire. Sometimes people want a massive reaction back from us. But they're surprised as hell if we stay centred and completely agree with them and then choose silence. Then the whole circuitry of the projection program that was just playing out, looking for a reaction, short circuits. To some people, the fight means love (e.g. love means they'll fight or fight for you) in which case, don't give them what they've always known as fight in place of love, give them love.
If in doubt, ask how would king or queen me would handle this shiz? Then do that. But more than that. How do you let go of the tension too in those moments and create space to literally breathe your way back into you? So that you can stay present with how you really want to show up and love each other and grow together in that moment?
Boundaries, they're the shiz for helping you create a life you truly love and that the others with you love too.
Until next time, have fun, take care
Nat talks about Self Expression, Heart Centred Communication and Lifestyle for Leaders.