Hey there. Firstly, in case you missed missed me publicly serenading you on Facebook, here's me sending you all my well-wishes for a peaceful, happy, relaxing holiday season and all my well-wishes that 2018 will be all that you dream of and so, so much more.
Just to re-cap a little on recent weeks for you, so you have a handy little NY's resource pack now all in one spot,
1. Align with Your Vision for 2018
2. Recap 2017 and further build on your 2018 vision
3. Completing the Healing for the year that was
Now something NEW for NYE :-) It's now the last few days of the year post Christmas. It's not unusual to be feeling a bit out of sorts. As, in the last few days of the year, while we're recovering from Christmas and the whole PD and BD world is telling the world to get super focused on 2018, to envision it, to call it in, let's not forget there's also organically another process to do too. And that one doesn't always feel quite so much like sunshine, rainbows, unicorns and seasonal over-indulgence...at first at least.
Sounds obvious doesn't it, but for the birth of a new year, there has to be the death of the year that was and the completion of what is not to be carried forward, as well as the celebration and honouring of what IS to be re-affirmed and carried forward, however many years or decades its root structure and the plant structure above the ground has been taking shape with yours and others care.
In synchronous fashion, whatever shifts in one of us now has a way of rippling out into the world at large as those around us feel the shift and have to adjust as each one of us adjusts too. Is it any wonder then that so many disagreements come to light at this time of year, or given a bit of downtime and time to process and reflect, there's a few emails that suddenly want to get written. Maybe nice ones. Maybe some heated ones too?
Any time i ever talk to a friend or client wanting to send a braindump of their thoughts and feelings to someone they feel upset with or over at this time, I tend to suggest (and am reminded to remind myself too) of these 6 questions before i go sending anything.
The 6 questions I often like to ask myself before I take it external:
It's worth remembering in considering that notion, we might think it's the absence of the person that is the problem (and feel tempted to speak something negative about their absence), but actually, deep down underneath it all, more often than not, there's a deeper REAL problem. And the real problem is that what we perceive we were getting from them that has now been seemingly taken away, leaving what feels like an empty gaping hole of pain in its place...of the absence of their presence and love. And whatever need it was fulfilling for us, filling the hole of this separation wound and perhaps many other unhealed separation wounds...the parental one, the universal one, the one where our own love of self could be. In co-dependent relating dynamics, maybe a pattern has been affirmed as something someone no longer wants to play out e.g. that they were taking responsibility for fixing or filling a void FOR us, or maybe we were for them, rather than giving them room to take responsibility for it for themselves.
So, what our pain/discomfort ultimately shows us is not just what in THEM we've lost or feel is absent, but what previously empty void we were filing with their presence, that now we have to actually take responsibility for feeling and filling ourselves. It can be tempting to blame them for the pain (especially if they take it on, we get out of taking any responsibility for having to do any work on ourselves). But there's only so many times you can try and fill the hole with something or someone external before you realise nothing external ever satisfies and fills the void. Until we decide to fill it with our own love and perhaps too, reconnect with the truth of a universal existence, a true divine loving presence (whatever your words for that) that is much greater than any one of us. And all waiting for us, to rush into us, on the other side of the pain. I know, I know, more work and it's not like most people consciously ENJOY shadow work, (consciously at least) grief or loss (even if they might have become used to it being the default at times and even have developed a slight predisposition to unconsciously recreating it.) More than that, it often requires facing our fears too of change and embracing what we REALLY want instead of this familiar, well worn out blanket of familiarity. And dare i say it, facing our fear of aligning with and actually SUCCEEDING in receiving REAL love.) BUT, if we take the time to feel all the feels of the process, to heal and love ourselves first and then reflect on what our true motivation is in wanting to lash out and what is really needed to heal, it may just change wether or not it's in anyone's highest good right now to hit "send". Which brings me to question 2:
2. Who's benefit am I really saying this for?
3. Is it in our highest good (necessary and or mutually wanted right now)?
4.Will this create more love and freedom for either of us to be who we're really here to be, separately, or together?
5. Does it align with their growth and relating goals, as well as mine and will it create the growth we need?
6. If yes, how do I say this with honesty, honour, love and gratitude?
I often do or tell friends or clients to write a draft or letter or do some art to to get it out first, or as another possibility, to have a heated fake conversation in your house, car, loo, bedroom, out in nature, before you ever have a real chat with them. So that, when you do, you're more able to speak to the core and straight to the point of what you REALLY need to communicate in the positive about what you need, want, desire from connection in 2018 (and what do they?) the true meaning of which might yet be hidden within the angst.
Sometimes love is also knowing when to hold fire on your truth cannon, until it's firing a little closer to flowers than flames and sending out clear, well formed smoke signals, rather than random, thick clouds upon clouds of words that drown both of you in confusion as to what the actual point is. Words are powerful. Plus flames are not only infinitely harder to receive for the person trying to listen (who may or may not be getting burned by the flames of your own shadow in the process), they're a little harder to undo. If we're truly serious about growing, nurturing and creating safety in our relationships of all kinds, perhaps we as a culture have to grow beyond this idea that bonds of permanency give us free reign to mind-dump our unedited stream of consciousness all over others without regard for the consequences, while expecting them to just be ok with it or hold space for it. So instead of just communicating what's pissing us off when we feel like our boundaries or values have been transgressed...what do you really want? What do you need? What do they? How can we create more conversations around that?
When the answer is "I don't know" it can mean we need some time to feel the feels first to get to the gold at the centre of the cloud of our emotional process. Here's a cathartic NY playlist i recently made to help with exactly that.
Feel free to listen to whatever bits of it help you process. Feel everything you have to on the way. Ask your consciousness to show you anything you need to see and to give you any insights you need on the way about what the ultimate truth is of what's really going on. As you do, call forward the fullest expression of your soul and the true divine healing intelligence to help you re-align with your highest individual and relational expression going forward.
Ask for assistance in healing and taking responsibility for anything that needs to be healed for you be able to do this and communicate with people in ways that will lovingly lead you both to what you want and need.
Ask your soul/the divine presence to show you if need be. Take the healing and your soul's energy and turn it inwards and give it to yourself. Intend it to heal and support you in all directions of time and space where it's needed in your relationship with self and your relationship with others. And you can intend for the healing to flow on to anyone else who needs it, who may have been impacted by your behaviour in the past, if they choose to accept it. Intend it to flow to opening up the pathways of connection to all those people you will connect and work with going forward. Ask for the support to BE and to realise the highest expressions of each of you, should they choose to accept it.
It will all help you clarify what you don't want to do or experience again going forward and more importantly help you refocus and give you clarity about what you DO want to be, do, have, how you want to love and BE loved going forward. Once you know, claim it, own it. Affirm it.
Also, more than that, to take it a step further, here's a massive question to shift your state instantly in regards to both the people who've left and the people still in your life:
Why was it that you were so excited and grateful to come together with this person in the first place?
Let it help you find the gold and the gifts in all this and be free to move forward with as much love, ease and grace as is possible.
At the end of your process, you may also wish to write anything you want to retain while its fresh. And add to your 2018 intentions where you need to. What conversations would you have now instead of the ones you'd have BEFORE this process? Maybe sit with it for a little bit longer if you need to. But i promise you, IF you start practicing all this with fierce commitment, self discipline and consistency, you'll cut the drama in your life by at least 60 percent this next year.
4. Making Peace with the year that was
Wether there are so many people you are excited to be going forward with in 2018, or some who may have or may now be leaving, before NY:
What's a little process, maybe even a ritual gesture you can do to symbolise making peace and laying to rest, with love anything you don't need to carry into the new year?
One i've often done with groups of friends or support circles is to take everything you wrote down to get out and everything you wrote to heal and let go of and (if it's safe to do so RE fire restrictions where you are) burn it in a fire, as a symbol of your willingness to grow through this and let it go.
Again, as you do, you might wish to call forward the fullest expression of your soul and the true divine healing intelligence to help you align with your highest individual and relational expression going forward, to forgive, heal and accept what is.
Ask for assistance in healing and taking responsibility for anything that still needs to be healed for you be able to do this.
Ask your soul/the divine presence to show you if need be. To show you the highest expression of self love and how to receive it freely. Then take that energy and turn it inwards and give it to yourself. Intend it to heal and support you in all directions of time and space where it's needed. And you can intend for the healing to flow on to anyone else who needs it, who may have been impacted by your behaviour in the past, if they choose to accept it. To flow to opening up the pathways of connection to all those people you will connect and work with going forward, ask for the support to be and realise the highest expressions of each of you, should they choose to accept it. Doing so will certainly help to massively improve your availability for, receptivity to, ability to give to the relationships you will now have going forward. Doing this now and creating 2018 from that place, choosing NOT to carry the baggage forward into 2018, will ultimately help create greater freedom, love, ease and grace in all your relationships going forward.
Do you have a similar process? Or does this perhaps inspire you to create or add to your own one now?
5. Welcoming in the New Year
And finally, back to the fun one!
What can and will you now do over NYE and NYD to anchor in your vision and the energy of your path of greatest success in 2018?
Art piece? Vision board? Mandala?
Collect some symbols (anchors) to put in your office, alter, on the fridge, bathroom mirror to remind?
Write it out?
Update your screensavers? Passwords?
Share your vision/have it witnessed by partners, family, friends?
Add something to your 2018 daily routine as a reminder every day?
Set up some accountability with others going into the new year?
What else can you think of?
Whatever our role together has been so far, wether its as a one time reader of this blog or a long time presence in my life, please accept my deepest love, gratitude and thanks for the whole of the journey we've shared together so far (gifts and challenges included, for those of you for whom it's relevant.) And feel me now as I wish you countless blessings for the year ahead to come. May it be all that you dream of and so much more. May it be your best year yet and one in which you discover so many wonderful new abilities and reach heights you never realised you could. May you be loved and supported in all the ways you wish to be supported and loved. And where we will spend part of the next year together or working together, bring it on with bells on i say ;-)
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you.
Looking forward to chatting to many of you on the other side.
Until next year, have fun, take care.
Hey again. Each year around this time, I blog a list of questions to help you complete the year that was with love and envision the year to come, as though you've already achieved it. So, in this last working week of the year, on top of the new moon and the beginning of the lunar cycle that will take us into 2018, here they are, to help you complete the year and align with the flow and finalise your vision for 2018. Feel free to borrow from them for your own processes as you like.
(As with any of my work, I'd be very grateful if you could honour the source if you do. Astrology insights below courtesy of The Moon Woman Tanishka and Chani Nicholas.) Much love and gratitude to you. Here they are....
🌟 . What skills have you gained over the last year?
🌟 . What have been your greatest insights from this year?
🌟 . What did you successfully achieve and create this year?
🌟 . How do you feel different to how you felt this time last year?
🌟 . What secret blessings and gifts were actually hidden within what might have at first felt like losses or more challenges?
🌟 . Who do you feel deeply grateful for, from your life adventures of the last year?
🌟 . Is there anyone you wish to send healing or blessings to as the year draws to a close?
🌟 . Is there anything you need to let go of, internally or externally to honour who you're truly here to be in the year to come?
🌟 . Is there anything you need to lovingly forgive yourself for or anyone you need to make peace with?
🌟 . What vision for your work are you welcoming in?
🌟 . As you align with and meditate on this new moon in Sagittarius (the sign of truth/philosophy, Transpersonal wisdom, growth and travel/the adventure of life) as you integrate its energies, what additional desires to express, to experience, to create come through to add to your 2018 vision?
🌟 . What qualities do you wish to unleash within you in the year to come?
🌟 . Who are you welcoming in to come and journey with you in this next year? (To grow with you, as opposed to heal with you)
🌟 . Who would you like to call into your tribe?
🌟 . What qualities do they have?
🌟 . Who would you love to meet and work with for the first time?
🌟 . How do you wish to be loved and honoured within your personal world, in friendship, relationship, in family life? And your professional?
🌟 . What additional support do you need that you can start calling in now?
🌟 . What additional resources will you need to help make your dreams your reality in 2018?
🌟 . What additional planning processes or systems could you benefit from in 2018?
🌟 . Does your soul and the universal intelligence that guides us all (whatever your name for it) have any additional insights for you right now that will help you and yours realise your highest potential and co-create your shared visions for 2018 and beyond?
Just a few things to consider this new moon/last working week of the year , as the bun of 2018 takes its last bake in the oven and we collectively give birth to what will be in 2018.
Here's my deepest, most heart felt wish for you that its your best year yet.
Just let me know if there's anything I can do to support you through this week and into the new year.
Until next time, have fun, take care.
Reclaiming our online relationships from false mental realities
Hey there. So you might have seen recently all the Facebook posts about the "new" Facebook algorithm that makes it so people only see a small percentage of your shares and drop off unless you like and comment on their posts. Or perhaps the articles of earlier today with former Facebook execs sharing their concerns about social media creating widespread disconnection. Funilly enough, I wrote a post about this in recent weeks.
Actually FB doesn't have a NEW algorithm that means only some people can see your posts, versions of that algorithm have been in place for a few years now.
It's been the case for years that your FB wall posts might have made it to only up to 10% of your FB friends. And you were released to more and more as you got likes or comments. It was part of what was done to counter the massive expansions of Facebook groups and movements that happened around 2009/2010, where groups were growing to then of thousands, to millions I'm a matter of months....and it scared the living crap out of the powers that be how fast their walking experiment of a social media platform was utilised by the people to band together, but someone was ALWAYS going to need to monitise it when it did. They introduced wall post limiting algorithms to slow it down, then FB ads were introduced and they introduced the wall share limiting algorithm to aid the purchase and spread of FB advertising, while they maintained the functionality to spread mass messages to the population in record time and spy on everything we do too. Remember?
With the goldfish 10sec attention span the scrolling feeds have induced, how quickly everyone forgets what already was. How quickly, like Inception, those feeds implant thoughts and our brains got filled with the thoughts they wanted us all to think. Which is precisely why for years I have had all my clients do daily alignment practices like these ones below, so that they reconnect to the natural world beyond false screen group think realities, so that they/ you are walking the world as soulful you and thinking your own soul thoughts. Here's two examples of processes i've offered this year to help clients come back to the clarity of themselves (hint, the one on the right is a little more Neo Shamanic/Transpersonal, if that does or doesn't work for you)
The fallout for relationships everywhere of people not having seen or been in the 10%
Let me take the Facebook insight a few levels further, in case it hadn't already hit home. Think back over recent Facebook history. Remember the years of "friend culling posts." Friends, family, colleagues, telling you they were all worked up that so and so never supported them on this business thing or commented on that life crisis on social media. Now think about the "only 10% of my friends will see my posts. " How many of those posts might never have showed up in their feed, or maybe they weren't on a device in the few hours when it did...so maybe they (wether clients, colleagues, family or friends) don't or didn't even know those things happened? How many friend wars do you think have gone down over erroneous assumptions made of online content? How many posts have you seen talking about this, where hundreds of other people jumped on board defending someone against someone they knew little about, other than one snapshot Facebook post out of decades of their human existence, that they all used to forever condemn that one person? How many Facebook friends do you think have been unfriended over things that maybe never actually happened? For fearing the worst, over hoping for or expecting the best? How many times have people blocked and unfriended, only to later run into that person at a real life event and feel, well....awkward. But imagine if they actually talked and found out the whole REAL reason they're no longer "friends" doesn't even exist? Oooops!
Scary, gut twisting, sobering thought, don't you think?
The downside to the upside of a world where we stare at computers and devices all day long is that it has us viewing the world in a completely different way than when we actually SAW people in person every day; it has us viewing through our heads, and when we view things through our mental reasoning faculties, sometimes we miss the heart filter and the compassion litmus test against online content, for signals and cues we would recognise in an instant, if only that person, whoever they are...new business acquaintance, long term friend, some entirely human business person that friended you one time, was sitting there right in front of you, looking at you and you could see into their soul. (You still can from behind a computer mind you, it just takes a little more meditation type focus to stop and feel into them and what they're really meaning, where they're really at.)
Only one way to know for sure in the end though....just ask them. Them personally, not someone else's 3rd party opinion of them who knows them well, or works with them. Wether meant or not, the more outside opinions, the more perceptions and unconscious agendas might also come into play, then you get erroneous GROUPTHINK and us v's them wars, based on what? Did anyone stop and fact check? There's two sides to every story. It pays in nurturing connection to always ask THEM direct. Because as sad as it is, people we love DO have their own subjective bias, their projections, and their conscious and unconscious agendas. In life, we have to find the balance between trusting those we love, but also staying connected to our own intuition and capacity for discernment, so that we're holding the ultimate truth of how things really are and being fair to all involved. Not just how we think they are, or our wounds , our egos, our mental survival programs do. Take a step back into our observer selves so to speak and give ourselves a moment to feel into what's REALLY going on.
So, if you haven't heard from someone when you think you should've, maybe reach out and ask them (maybe via another communication medium) how they are? If they saw something you posted? If they are ok (maybe they're not?) Where they're at? What they mean? What they need too? Maybe give them the benefit of the doubt on innocence until proven guilty. Because it's worth remembering that yes, social media, DOES connect us in many ways, but it's also wired NOT to in many ways to encourage you to have to pay. And it would be sad to miss or let the right people go for the wrong reasons, don't you think? Unless they really are the "wrong fit." But then are we all just becoming a bunch of self driven, instant gratification seeking narcissists who're forgetting the basic skills our Grandparents ruled it at in maintaining long term connection? One has to wonder.
Either way, it's the perfect time of year, where most of us have both a golden opportunity to create connection professionally through sharing a little love and gratitude with our existing networks to let them know how awesome they are and how much we care. And where we're personally about to have plenty of time to create connection and reconnect with the ones we love the most in life. How can you make the most of your non screen time as well as screen time to build more connection this holiday season? If you're breathing, it's never too late to say all those loving things you wish you had've said earlier when you had the chance. (Who knows how many misconceived Facebook unfriendings might get undone in the process....hehehe ;-)
Nat talks about Self Expression, Heart Centred Communication and Lifestyle for Leaders.