all on the move, little old intuitive me, who has often tended to know well in advance (or she thinks she does) when the next one, the next opportunity, was about to arrive, and then you have to be all "just be cool chick, stay in the present moment, that's still just a potential outcome....STAY.....IN THE MOMENT....AND....JUST....CHILL....OUT! Yet I'd somehow felt a little bit blindsided lately feeling the most tremendous pull back into the realm of padlocks on bridges again, even though I'd very much started the year with my heart on my sleeve, re-embracing that part of me that was willing to fly 3 states for what i love and love, for the stuff I'd been healing, at the same time I was seriously starting to doubt that I can be me, all of me and that possibility at any point be a reality. Warning: potential side effects of lots of no's from people who've been in your world many many years may generate this side affect.
Admittedly, it's been a huge year, few years of woman leader life lessons. And how to be, fully empowered and in integrity in teaching women the 17 (at present) things I think all aspiring Women in the Wellness (and NFP realm) I've done my 10000+ hours in need to know to realise their full leadership potential, on this planet at this time, to be successful in building connection in their personal world, with their growing tribes, with the people they will partner and collaborate with, not just for a season while somebody wants something, but what IS the way in which we can keep growing together over a lifetime? When we want to? And it feels right to?
Some of the questions i've asked myself over the last several years:
How do we stay humble and grounded, and yet own the moments of achievement, where you were say, managed other people's clinics and business, managed and helped build successful teams, were a part of a team of 8 other Wellness Business Mentors and 50% of the testimonials from recent program rounds on a website for a program launch that made two people their first million in partnership, were from clients you personally mentored, who you talked to often as their CRM, as a part of CRM platforms you designed, project managed and then others took over from, that paved the way for said people to have that level of success? Where you've done the EM and EPM that helped someone apparently, it would seem, continue their/your actually shared 7 figure streak, while everyone in the team keeps pointing at you being the reason for higher attendance, highest ever application calls post event, best ever conversion and revenue, people walking off stage feeling the best, most energised they've ever felt presenting together...EVER, when your energy and event managing the space. BUT then successfully transfer all that service, that skill into your own leadership? Into credit to your own name even? Into building your own tribe to equal magnitude?
At some point you have to just be able to own the fact that you did it, and get ok with sharing about it, in the same way you would be asked to explain in a job interview about your greatest achievements, to accurately represent what you are capable of. To own what you've been taught and what you know in your own right AND be supported in independently stepping into your own "genius" to consult, to coach, to train, to speak, to write as an expert on how to do the very things you can do and get paid like one too, by those who value and can pay you for it. In collaboration, not isolation, from others. At what point CAN you call yourself that expert in something? How do you stay resilient in holding space for yourself and surrounding yourself with the support you need to just get busy repeating those for yourself, in a world where there's no shortage of people waiting to try and rip you back down and discredit your credibility? What do you do when you outgrow your teachers and they start to perceive you as a threat? How do you own your genius and stay integral and STILL be able to connect with people from that place? How to you come back into collaboration after times of independent growth and not then surrender away your power to fit in? These are the questions I asked myself over the years. Through the high moments and the ones where you're doing all the work building the new foundations and waiting on the cash flow to catch up. Like planting seeds in a garden, you just have to keep doing the processes, knowing that it will sprout before too long when you do.
I know i'm not alone in having thought these kind of thoughts...i've talked to thousands of leaders and aspiring leaders with the same fears. How do we smash through the glass ceiling and then build your newfound floor upon it? At some point, you just have to stop giving a sh%$ what other people think, and just own it and get busy just doing it. Yes some people will think you're an ass for it, but are they really the ones here to support you to be all of who you're here to be? To deliver on your life purpose and all your soul contracts? Maybe not. Maybe you need to hire a team of security peeps to keep them away from swinging at your newfound floor. One might do that by staying in their heart, grounded in your intention and sending all those people a whole lot of love.
How do you deal with the power struggles that happen when you at times, might know more than your teachers, or outgrow your teachers? How do you accept with grace the stuff you don't want to, but need to hear to grow and change? How do you deal with the relationship, the friendship, and family conflicts that can happen when you raise the self love bar and draw more energy into your purpose, when at times it means you can then no longer fulfil the purpose they had in mind for you (consciously or unconsciously)? When they take it like that means you don't love them? That you don't respect them? That you don't want them around? How do you set healthy boundaries that DO honour your time with those you love? And your work "baby/babies/toddlers/teenagers/grown adult projects" too?
How do we navigate our relationship with the masculine to ensure that we can both be our highest potential in connection? And both feel loved and supported how we want to be? So that he can give you the amazing provider gifts and wisdom he wants to as a part of his way of loving you, but while you get to be independent and self sufficient and self directed too? Without needing to be rescued, with out having to only be subservient to do exactly what he wants, how he wants when he says he wants it because he said so (blind followship IS NOT LEADERSHIP) YET feel free and mutually respected in asking each other for help in completing this thing you'd like to be done and you think needs to be done to achieve "X?" How do you, as a woman, respectfully bring your intuition to the table and lovingly suggest another way when you can see another possibility?
How do we relate with the feminine and be our highest potential too? To ensure we both feel, loved, honoured, respected and met? To deal with the lack thinking that, at the lower end of the business spectrum, sees at times women step away from each other when we start to be perceived as the competition, as a rival for clients, attention, limited time and resources, dare I say it, for the love and attention of other men in the equation? How do we come into our highest potential in praising our sisters, in celebrating and being excited for their wins, as much as being able to be celebrated by them, without making it about our own insecurities? How do we build our own self worth and resilience to be able to rise above and be able to connect and collaborate and support with love from this place? To go into deep, ongoing padlock type friendship and collaboration, that sees us grow every stronger and lift each other higher, or even better hold space for her to raise HERSELF higher? While being true to who she is, who she's here to be, her service, her lifestyle, her love and those she loves? You too?
These are the kind of challenges we need to overcome to be able to stand side by side, men and women as Leaders, with deep honour and respect and each take our turn at the front of the stage, when it's our time to talk and to be honouring when it's our time to listen. Not always easy, in a world where humans have always had a hierarchal structure of organising themselves, where dynamics haven't always yet been conditioned in that direction and we are leading the way, creating the templates of HOW it can be done, with maximum love and ease, and ideally minimal tears.
Admittedly, I've cried so many times this last few years trying to find a way that I could be me without having to withdraw and lone wolf it to BE free to be me, intending to not hurt anyone while i healed and found the answers to those questions. But then, for me, that's why a zillion packlocking signs lately , after one ending and some moments of doubt, as a reminder of what ELSE is possible in connection and collaboration. Is it really possible (for anyone) to be them, to have success, to make a difference, to have the love, the health, the lifestyle and be able to honour those you love and respect the most and lead in the way you feel called to? Yes. And if you feel it in your heart, if you feel called to co-create it, then of course it is. On some level, it's your destiny, it's already done and now you just have to work out HOW you did it. But you might have to get out of your own way to be able to create it, you might have to let go of more than a few ideas about how you think it should look or be in order to achieve it. And you might have to cop a bit of shit from those who don't think your worthy of or entitled to it. I've lost a lot of people I did my best to love while trying to navigate all this along the way. But a King and a Queen are also patient, they know that things sometimes take time to unfold, that it doesn't all have to unfold right this second, they know that people might come and go along the way and that others might be here to stay and that you jump on planes for those that would be willing to jump on planes for you, as well as to connect with the new.
When i'd been tuning in about business and how I can be of service each day lately and what I need to do now to connect all the bits....I kept getting "define the man, go define how you want to be loved!" (trusting that whatever I am is going to be the manifestation of whatever has been asked for on the other side) and let that flow out into the foundations of all areas of life. And of course really, the values that underly what we want in relationship, often also underly how we want to be treated and be of service in ALL aspects of life...business, leadership, family, romantic, friendship. So it's good to reflect on the packlocky paradigm every now and then and get clear about your intentions.
To remember what it's like to be that AND have, to rebuild a solid long term foundation from which to be of service, from which to create everything in life, with those people who feel the call to build it with you. And THEN, then to (as I've done this last couple of years) adventure out into the world and do your thing. Sometimes we all need a bit more of the unbreakable padlock depths to succeed. Especially us single ones. Sometimes finding the way we can have BOTH the stability, the groundedness, the committedness AND the adventure, for those we love AND all those we will partner with and serve in business, IS part of the pathway to further fulfilment and success. That and finding awesome Mentors and support people to help us through all those questions! Locks, life lessons, leadership and love. Amazing how all those things intertwine.
Until next time, have fun, take care.
So many times a week over recent years I've heard clients say that they were reluctant to get out in the world to talk about their business because they were afraid of selling and flat out annoying people. They'd worry that they'll be perceived as sleazy and salesy and that's the last thing that is in their hearts. They just want to help more people. But the connecting with more people, that can be scary. Let alone how. And what do you say when you do? Then you have to remind yourself, how is it that I help again? And, oh wait, which one of the ways that I can solve their problems should i suggest? Aiiiie! No wonder we then start looking for convenient excuses to get away from the phone.
Here's a few things I want you to remember though. From someone who truly LOVES chatting to people and who's not only been told she could sell ice (like the frozen water kind, just so we're clear here) to Eskimos when she 100% believes and is passionate about the ice....and who, on repeated occasions, has applied the local practice building techniques she's been taught and teaches to fill an extra day a week in less than two weeks and then do it again when business/life happens and you need to inject some new energy to maintain momentum.
The monk on the mountain top, didn't get a whole trail of people tracking up the mountain to see him/her hundreds of times a day just having put up a nice website or a Facebook page alone and then meditated on it in the lounge room. She/He did a genius job of sharing with the first person who saw it and came up to him/her of solving some major problem they had while lovingly being of service, standing for something important she/he believed in and then finally training the person who was leaving with love hearts for eyes HOW to send more people UP the mountain to access his/her insight, when they got back down the mountain and saw others, looking like a whole new person. They felt so moved by their transformation that they were more than happy to give something to him and his cause in exchange.
Yet we don't consider him/her the sleazy sales guy, do we? We consider him/her to be this incredible person amazingly being of service to the world, while sharing her/his incredible wisdom with the world. We see he or she is serving the greater good.
In any moment where you're scared to send an email or pick up the phone, for fear of what might happen, remember, you're not the sleazy sales dude, you're some kickass Super Hero/Wonder Woman version of the monk. Who just happens to dress and walk and talk just like you....because....oh that's right, remember, it IS you.
You awesome and you have something amazing to share with the world, through a message, through sessions, through a program, through products that can genuinely make a difference in people's lives by helping them solve and resolve some of their greatest problems and align with what they aspire to be experiencing instead. Let me repeat that, you have something amazing and needed to SHARE with the world. And it would be an incredible shame, maybe even an injustice to the world if you don't make an attempt to share it with a whole bunch of people in the world who need it, and the people around them who also work with them, who can get the word out to them about your product or program and your bigger picture vision and message (which may actually, be even more of the reason they choose you in the end...because you also stand for something they value and believe in). People need to know about you and what you do. So you need to tell them. HOW you choose to do it, is totally up to you. There are multiple ways one can do that. Many more than will fit in this blog.
But lovely please, let go of that stuff about selling because it's just not true. Part of your job as a Practitioner, Service Based Business Owner and Leader is to share or to have people SHARE on behalf of you, what you do, so that new people will know about you and understand what you can help them with, hence why they could benefit greatly from coming to you.
That might though mean at times that you have some work to do too so that YOU truly understand what it is that makes you so awesome and thoroughly needed. Though you might first have to do some research on what it is that they want, and how they talk about what they want, as opposed to how you understand what it is that they actually need. Your success lies just as much in getting to know your market backwards in terms of both and them operating from your intuition.
Trust me though, when you get up each day and ask who new or old you can connect with through your business, who else in the world would be super aligned with your vision and how you work and mutually awesomely complimentary to each other in what you both do, plus ask who needs my support right now and where can I find them, it's suddenly heaps EASIER to start the work day making 30 phone calls, sending emails, messages, writing ads and copy and putting it out there...because you're truly believing you're doing the world a favour by listening to and delivering on the very urges of your soul purpose. Rather than focusing on avoiding anything that might go wrong on the way. That's not ego, that's not self righteous, that's just you having self belief and backing yourself, so that when someone asks you if your solution can work for them, you deliver a certain answer. They need your certainty, they need your clarity to engage in your process.
If you need help with any of this process, from the working out what to share, from the how to share, to the where to share it, and the getting over the unhelpful thoughts we think that hinder us from getting out there, that's where having a Mentor who's done what you need to do and fought her way through the EVIL enchanted forest of limiting beliefs about start up business (or rather lovingly transformed the forest) can be incredibly beneficial. Please know that I'm here for you if you need. Coaching and Mentoring people just like you is a big part of what i do.
More than that, so much too of getting past out blocks and aligning ourselves to reach our highest potential in being of service in our businesses is about having daily practices that help heal and clear the thoughts and energy of what isn't working and replacing it with the focus and the energy that is the literal embodiment of you being of service and living a life you truly love. Practiced daily, it's amazing how fast you shift. It's amazing how much clearer, more confident and flat out inspired you feel when you do. Imagine the extra momentum you could get in your business with 30 days straight alignment and new energy. This is exactly what you get in the 30 Days to the Life I Love program and continue on with one on one. If you're ready to make that massive shift and get momentum you need right now to start the holiday season and 2018 on the right foot, I'd love for you to join us for the final November 30 Day program for the year. If you'd like to find out more about either, feel free to fill out the form below.
Super looking forward to helping you out in any way that i can. Until next we chat, keep on being awesome. The world needs you!
Imagine, amidst all the shares of the last week, a new dream. A deeply personal, intimate dream....and while I wrote this of a man, as a cis-gender woman, feel free to add to it as you feel to for you and interchange the gender labels as works for you :-)
It's a dream that I feel many of the men (and the women) witnessing these shares are just beaming the possibility of this at all the women sharing, who have never had the benefit yet of experiencing this kind of dynamic I'm about to share...hoping for you to see it, to feel it, to grow into their ability to receive it and heal, step into, grow into their fullness, their highest potential, their true power. Shout out and gratitude to all of you holding that space for all the women & (men) to know what true love, respect, presence, safety, ease really feels like in relationship.
Imagine this new man, or maybe he's an existing man. But whoever he is, you've just spent a gorgeous day together; two friends, walking through the park, having one of those rare moments where you intended to be there for 30mins, only to still be talking after 2hrs, to then be sharing your history and delighting at the most perfect synchronicities in each other's lives, over lunch. As you take another walk together, through a park, after lunch and he briefly stops and talks to someone who's ball just rolls past, you look over to him and have one of those moments of deep, grateful knowing, that this person is everything you've ever dreamed of and way, way more. You know through and through that this man is your next "one".....and as you yourself find yourself talking to a little girl that just ran up to you to tell you about her favourite Ice cream flavour (on the smiling insistence you see, of her mum, that's it's cool), he looks at you, silently laughing to himself, shaking his head slightly in disbelief, marvelling too at the perfection of the universe, yet absolute knowing and gratitude, that this woman before him, is everything he never knew he wanted and more, plus everything he knew well that he did. In a way that completely grounds you and brings you home into yourself (over so many of those times where a guy did this next thing and you checked up and out of yourself) he comes over, looks at you with the hugest smile, and you smile back, as he gently leans in and gently kisses your on the cheek....like you had secretly hoped that he would when you "come on universe, give me a SIGN"'d it earlier. Today is THE day.
Later, you're back at his place....or maybe it's yours....who cares, you live in the same city, but the more important thing is, you feel deeply at home at this place. This is not the first time you've been here, or have hung out with him. There's a deep trust and a knowingness of a friendship that's spanned eons .
Wether he is or he isn't, this man has all the hallmarks of a man who's been a father. He's grounded and secure within himself, he has a ginormous, gentle heart, but has that kind of lion, bear, warrior strength that a man who's had a daughter, or maybe nieces, knows well. And that you can sense in him, that he is a man who truly has your back, while standing by your side. He truly wants what's best for you. He knows what you've been through, and in knowing his deep desire is for you to come fully home into you, for you to find your own feminine lioness fierceness, as well as your heartfelt softness. And your true essence and sensuality, not the manipulative illusionary kind we once used as a countermeasure to reclaim power over the men who once took us as theirs by force and charmed you in a cloud of sexual energy of their own, designed to overwhelm your senses and have you surrender to his will, to check out of yourself in his rapture, not INTO yourself and your true, soulful, feminine sovereignty, like this man does, and then willingly, of both your own conscious choice, to choose each other. And choose to share in your love.
And this is the night where you make that choice. Every time this man approaches you, you feel so at ease, because he's literally asking for permission and feeling for it as he comes into your energy field to, this time, full embrace you. And as he does, and you reach out for him back, and as you look into each other's eyes....and giggle a little, you realise and feel that entirely. You can even see on his face and feel the discernment, as you say yes to his embracing you, you can feel him still scan the whole of you, against his inner radar to check that he too feels that to be true.
Because this kind of man doesn't get hard over little girls with broken boundaries, that he uses to sneak in, when he doesn't trust that who and what he is, is enough. If you're not 100% yes, he's just not interested and will happily line up beside you and chat even more or hop up and ask for your hand to watch a movie on the couch. He's a gentlemen and you're a lady and a gentlemen is turned on by your emphatic "fuck yes!" and you being nothing more than exactly, perfectly who you are. And a gentlemen wants you to be wholeheartedly, embodiedly empowered in the use of your "no". He's not pissed off when you use it, he's happy for you when you use it. Knowing you're growing, he's actually fucking proud.
And as you realise how damn grateful you are for how incredible this amazing, dream of a man is, you feel exactly the same. You LOVE this man more and more the more he is nothing more than his gorgeous, amazing self. You deeply want for him to be grounded in himself, for him to be and grow into his highest potential. You want for him to be so happy. And you truly want the best for each other in your individual visions for your own respective purposes and your shared ones.
It's like you've won the lottery. Seeing all this, feeling all this, don't now withhold! No games with this man! Now that you're a 1000% "yes yes fuck yes" on the inside (and your bodies screaming it too) and you look deep into his eyes, this is the man you reward with your "fuck yes, I want you!" You show him how damn blown away and how grateful you are that he's here with you, that he's chosen you, with your words, your energy, your embrace.... and then, THEN, with each other's permission, you share your love and your energy, as you feel to, as new lovers crazy about each other do. And the rest, is entirely up to you.
If any part of this resonates with you, maybe you'll go create now a version of it in your world too.....and then, one day, I look forward to reading of a whole new chapter of "me too!" The "I created something new" chapter.
Just two final questions. Is there anything you would add? What do you now have to be, to do, to be ready to receive your version of that?
Big love to you.
What anger is REALLY trying to tell us: 12 healthy ways to deal with it with a little more ease and grace
Ok, so here's touchy subject i've been contemplating for the last couple of weeks, tentatively wondering if I should blog about it or not, but you know what? Screw it, I'm doing it. Have you ever had a time in your life where you felt angry and you were told to put a lid on it and shamed for it? Or have you ever felt terribly uncomfortable around someone else who was a getting a little worked up over something someone did, something maybe you did, or, been out in public and been terribly startled when someone on the other side of the street suddenly starts screaming about something....and by something, I mean something more than just "GO TIGES!!!!!!!!!" (That's an AFL team in Australia for those of you in the Northern Hemisphere.) Ok, so it's not exactly our most favourite of emotions to be around or experience. And this is why, as a society, quit frankly, we suck at dealing with anger in healthy ways.
But of course we do. If you're over 30 in Australia particularly or from an English speaking country, and female, you might well be familiar with the "good little girls don't get angry" bit...way more of Australia than would like to admit grew up getting smacked or strapped or caned when they did something wrong....if you've gone on to be a parent, ever having to pull a pile of fighting siblings off each other...you've perhaps gone on to develop a new found empathy for our parents at some of those times and how easy it can be to lose one's cool...and feel terrible. But we grew up with both these things then we wonder why we have generations of grown adults who cope with the overwhelming nature of emotions and stress, with violence??? Largely, its like we're only able to to exist and be around others in either extreme....total repression of it, or repressed so long, we've lost it.
Here's the thing though about anger...it's not all unhealthy.
Now, when i say that, let me just clarify i'm not talking about the level where someone has completely lost it in your general direction with a tirade of verbal abuse aimed at degrading your character, or progressed into a physical attack on you. When it's escalated into abuse, there's a whole other way to manage that, that i've actually blogged about how to neutralise before when i've talked about how women or men can get the upper hand back and bring things back into balance when they're on the receiving end of this kind, so as we're no longer walking around the world in FEAR of anger anymore. Today though, I want to talk instead about the original purpose and functionality of anger.
Because anger, in it's purest form, is actually a messenger to you. It's a messenger that something is not right. In the present moment, It's communicating to you that something is out of alignment with perhaps your values, or your boundaries and perception about how you want to be treated in the world. And it's here to remind you when you feel that your boundaries have been crossed.
Another function of anger is as a defence mechanism....it may come up when a part of your ego that doesn't want to change is being challenged. Or, sometimes anger comes out as a top level self protection mechanism when a part of you feels vulnerable or unsafe or like you're being attacked. But more often than not, what's really underneath it, is deep grief. Because we love so much. And sometimes, when things with people don't turn out how we wanted them to, we feel terribly hurt and let down.
So for some people, and often men, if you weren't given permission or were shamed for crying or emotional outbursts as a child, frustration or anger will be the tell-tell sign that something's amiss and you're feeling upset. If we can see it like this....can we suddenly start to have a little more compassion for ourselves and others in the experience of it? And can we start to see what is really needed here for ourselves, or for others when they're started to get frustrated or angry?
Blaming it, shaming it, suppressing it, judging and trying to get rid of it or anyone with it AIN'T going to solve the problem. It just fractures ourselves into pieces, and possibly fractures the others we disconnect from in the process into pieces as well. And that my friends, brings nothing, but a temporary reprieve from discomfort, at the cost of something often much deeper.
And often sets us up in an endless cycle to experience similar scenarios for ourselves in future, or to create similar situations, but now with someone else, until we get what we're supposed to learn from the scenario in the first place. And learn how to view anger and this unavoidable human part of existence in healthier ways. Here's a few thoughts now on how to communicate with others when anger is up:
How to communicate with others in the presence of anger
Firstly, in being present with anger of others, we need to liberate ourselves from taking it on like it's ours or our fault, by default. In a society where blame and projection are running riot, again, many of us grew up believing that, when our parents lost it, it was our fault because we'd done something. So our tendency in adulthood is to assume the same. Assume our own guilt before presuming our own innocence or evidence is even presented as to what one might be "guilty" of. WITH LOVE, we need to stop that.
While we have control of how we behave yes, (if we respect free will, no NLP manipulating others here) we have absolutely no control over how another chooses to think about or react to it. Their thoughts and their reactions are their own. They are not ours. So the first thing we need to do is hand back responsibility to them for their process. And concentrate on taking responsibility for our own thoughts and feelings...
and then have conversations about what they respectively are from that place. With "I statements," "I feel" or "I'm seeing" statements, so that when we express, we are taking ownership of our own perceptions, which might be "correct", moreso if you've developed your intuition. But more often than not, unfortunately, over 60% of the time unfortunately, Psychology tells us, when we actually ask the other person if how we see it is how they see it, we're actually apparently wrong. We assumed, but our assumptions aren't always accurate.
So when you feel something about another, or observe with another, it's important to clarify if that's how they see it with questions at the end about what their experience is, or what they meant or intended.
This brings us closer to what's really going on. When we ask what's really going on, with willingness to hear the real answer from the (hurting) person on the other side, in snaps everyone instantly out of the mental "must make my point" place and back into the heart centred, compassion place, where truly see the other person across from you.
That's probably the place where the flood of tears now comes...because suddenly its safe to speak to what's really going on. And where either party isn't feeling met. And then we can have a discussion that actually gets somewhere. And how you can come to the most mutually agreeable outcome about how to move forward together in a way that better meets both parties needs.
Occasionally, if it's got to a point where it's WAYYYYYYYY beyond someone's limit of acceptable treatment for themselves, or you find that you have values that perhaps are never going to fit well on the same page, then you might have to concede to agree to disagree...and that's the point where the anger sharks might start swimming inside again...
But wether you're feeling all wound up PRE talking to some, feeling completely stuck on feeling anything (e.g. you're repressing it) or feeling worked up at the end of a "couldn't always get what you wanted, but perhaps got the growth you both needed" type scenario, then here's some healthy ways to be with that.
How to be with our own in healthy ways
1) Crowd favourite- take it to the gym, or your home gym kick and punch the crap out of a punching bag, it's cathartic. Especially if you're a woman, it's time to stop repressing it and actually....let...that....shit.....OUT. I can't promise you wont have to go through either a) a fit of giggles in the process (our other top level defence to keep us from going INTO anger...OR the completion point on the way back out of it) or b) a bunch of tears but at least in the end you'll feel c) relief, rather than stuckness. And once the energy is flowing again, you can choose what you now channel it into doing.
2) Music- this might help you get into the above, have your angry cathartic song you listen to or play yourself to help you get moving to get it out or cry it out. If it's your thing you might also
3) Sing or scream it out. (How good is the car for that? Parents, i know you hear me here Though i'd prefer you not be driving because while your focus is on your anger, it's not on the road or other road users, maybe pull over somewhere for a few minutes, save adding the extra special sauce of anger on top if you rear end or side swipe someone...nobody needs that.) OR
4) Dance it out, if that's your thing. Movement gets emotion moving
5) Go for a run, stomp it into the ground and let it go.
6) Write it out. Get your angry writing on.....get...that....shit....OUT.
7) Art Therapy That might turn into or instead being drawing, angry painting, angry smashing some plates or glass and then making a mosaic out of all that brokenness.....art therapy it up. Plate smashing also goes hand in hand with giggles by the way, like a 5 year old kid being naughty. Are you noticing how lots of these end on a positive? Its a process of restoring balance.
In it's simplest form, emotion is energy in motion. Which means that, once it's moving in you and IN motion, you actually have a choice about which direction you channel it in. So knowing that, the more you get better at being with your own anger, you'll discover you actually have the power to make a conscious choice to channel it's energy into any direction you want.
Now you might
8) Visualise it all coming out of yourself (especially when its not yours, because sometimes our anger is not even ours, we took in on from someone else) as rain, into a shape or to fill up an object, you can even intend to (if you're a bleeding woman) bleed it out, breathe it out, urinate, defecate all the energy and accumulated toxicity in the body out, then give that energy back to the Earth, via the window, or door, how is up to you, just hand it over to the Earth or to whatever your name is for the divine intelligence that's within and surrounds us all.
9) Nature If you can go outside, give it to the river or the ocean if you're there. Time in nature will always help re-set you to your authentic nature either way.
10) Or if you'r in the middle of your working day, you could regard the person who pissed you off as a gift....now that you're energy is flowing, you could also re-intention that energy and use it to motivate you to go do 26 phone calls that WILL bring you closer to what you really want in life and in your work instead. Flip the intention and use the energy to your advantage.
11) If there's a support circle or group or online community you're a part of, or there's a Therapist you're working with, if you're going through a lot lately, maybe draw on that possibility to be held and loved while you process it out and find your own flow again in the presence of another. Especially if you know you might be on the edge of something big, like a past event or trauma. Particularly if it was a childhood one, unless you're a seasoned Therapist yourself, I wouldn't suggest you go there alone because dropping into the repressed consciousness of a 3 year old self, or a car accident for example, can be hard to navigate and simultaneously function at adult level in your day to day. Especially, if you're caring for others. Just like first aid, with emotional first aid, think my own safety first, and then the safety of everyone around me. I know that seems counterintuitive if you're a parent, but i also know you get it. Finally, but not least
12) Reach out and call someone. A friend, partner, family, support line, whoever, when you close your eyes and ask yourself "who could help me through this?" pops into your mind, call them and ask if they can chat. If they can't right now, the next person.
For any of these where you took time to process and sat with quite a lot of your own vulnerability in the process, remember though to be gentle with yourself. There might be a part of you coming forward in all this that's just never been loved and had a hug through all this. You can now get to be the one to give yourself one.
Because, for the rest of this lifetime, you'll never leave you, you'll always be there for you, even when others can't. And if you can first be there for you through however you're feeling, then you'll magically find others in your life will suddenly be able to be more present with you in these moments too. And on a cultural level and a global level, this will have massive positive flow on for how we all deal with the wider issues of abuse and violence too. It all starts with making the choice to start listening to what our anger is really trying to tell us....and then addressing it in healthy ways, for ourselves. And then being able to model those ways for others.
Until next time, have fun, take care.
What separates the dreamers from the doers who live to see their dreams? What separates those who get it done, from those with a perpetually evolving list of reasons for you that they still can't do what they say they really want to be doing with their life, 3 years after they first told you they want to do it? What separates those content to cling to the safe-havens of a "secure" world they've created, from those who have the courage to take a stand for something they love and go after what they love?
For me, I felt like life kind of smashed the crap out of my rose coloured glasses and ripped out the illusionary rug of safety from under my feet at a very young age. There are few things quite as scary as the moment you stand at age 8 at the bedside of a parent that just died, while you get a thousand downloads a second about everything you'd previously been lead to believe about the nature of reality being complete bullshit, nothing is truly safe and secure and most of the people in the room don't have a freaking clue how it really all works, among other things. From that point onwards, and the two days later on my birthday when i remembered that i had a choice at this point...spend my life going forward looking backwards and crying over what was lost, or embrace the next moment, and every moment forward and use it to live a life i love and share love, given that my tolerance for pain had just been widened substantially, having the courage to go after what I love, minus the fear of what i had to lose, got markedly EASIER.
These days, i'm getting pretty good at following those moments of heartfelt curiosity onto planes to fly 3 states to go find out for sure, to do work i believe in, because someone i care about asked. I wont hesitate to get up at 1:00am or 4:00am to climb some mountain or get to a work thing I wouldn't miss for the world. By 33, I had literally studied and lived all 5 of careers that tested up on Psych profiles as my top 5, performing arts, psychology/counselling/coaching, business and entrepreneurship, spirituality and natural resources/animal and environmental science. And over the years life keeps bringing me new and genius ways to combine them and more importantly, i keep saying yes. There are days when I showed up to Coach for a day and end up starring in an ad that was being filmed. At 35, I Coach, trade and run my own business and am a key force driving other people's 7 figure businesses i believe in, while I’m looking after animals. I have had a huge vision for over a decade of supporting tens of thousands more Women Leaders in particular and emerging leaders across the board to realise their destiny as the architects of change they truly are in this new paradigm we all wish to see unfold in the decades to come, plus have the freedom to live lives that they love.
At times, I had no idea how on earth that was going to unfold, at others, amazing people and amazing 6 and 7 figure business people with all the right tools to support me to get there just emerged out of thin air, and i found myself in rooms full of them talking about taking on the challenge of achieving what they'd done. And i was honest in that i said i thought it was going to smash and rearrange me a bit and might take me a bit longer than everyone else, but i was determined to give it a go. And since i took on that challenge, I cannot tell you how many times i've caught the waves of life, fucked it up and got smashed on the rocks....only to get up again and get back on a board because i freaking love the ocean and stubbornly refuse point blank to give up. And because of that stubborn determination, I keep ticking off goals as done on the way to get there, every day, every year, i live a little bit more of it, while others have quite literally cracked the shits and called it quits. Why? What is it that i'm doing differently?
What is it that those who succeed in creating their dreams are doing differently?
I could, and I am, in fact covering that in my Women's Leadership book in more depth, but here's a few things to contemplate for now...
Maintain a constant child like curiosity about what dances across your heart. When you follow that curiosity it takes you far in the direction of what yo love, often further than fear of anything will take you in the opposite direction away from something. Running away from something tend to lead you in a circle straight back head to head with it. So follow your curiosity in the direction of what you love.
2: Surrender to the soul pull.
Give in to and follow those moments where your hand shoots in the air and you yell for that opportunity and you don’t even yet fully understand why. Sometimes your sub-conscious knows better than you do. When that happens, dare to be curious, NOT to do what you were possibly just thinking of doing and stay in the game. Find out what the opportunity is all about. It's either going to show you what you want more of or exactly what you don't. Both are equally a gift.
3: Stubborn determination
Stubborn determination goes a long way, combined with your steadfast trust in that there’s a reason why you practically feel in your bones the desire and the hunger for that thing. When you keep focusing on the goal ahead in the distance, when you honour that desire, like that very first toy or piece of fruit on the other side of the room that a toddler decides they absolutely MUST have, you can lift yourself with stubborn determination back out of anything and above the challenges of anything. Fail fast, succeed faster.
4: YES, STILL have a WHY
Being able to be present in the moment and stay with oneself in the present moment is awesome. But if you're on this planet for any given time, it actually gets a bit tricky trying to exist without a why. After the point of enlightenment many on the spiritual quest seek, most people don't magically disappear off the planet in fact at all. In fact, after the point of enlightenment, one still has up to another 80+ years to kill time, so hey, we might as well spend it on something we're passionate about and asking how we can be of service and that's what our soul whispers to us about through our dreams and daydreams about every single day. Yes EVEN the ones about people you think you'll NEVER be with in real life. What are they showing you about the kind of attributes in people you're looking for, the attributes in yourself you need to own, or the kind of experiences you wish to have? THAT is their gift. For many of the people I’ve worked with, they thrive when they find what that thing is for them that inspires that absolutely fierce commitment to the prize in themselves.
5: Get ok with being rejected and experiencing pain.
Get ok with going head long into the discomfort of emotion when it shows up in the pursuit of love and doing what you love, with who you love. Because here's the thing. Negative emotional states are not and were never supposed to be permanent. The human being exists in a constant state of ebb and flow in a quest to come back into balance. That means the moment you feel the uncomfortable, it will pass and you'll re-balance to towards the opposite state. Trying to fight this process is like putting the pause button on life. You can do it, but you're on pause...how far can you or others go or grow while you're on pause? What can you manifest while you're on pause? Compared to what can flow when you're back in play?
6: Watch the company you keep.
Surround yourself with people who are genuinely inspired by you, what you're aspiring to do in the world, who want to grow with you and see you lift to your highest potential and vice versa. Make sure they're in your work team and your personal world. Success often happens faster when you're riding with the right kind of love and support. But when you've ascended through the relationship dynamics that can keep us playing small, people pleasing and staying stuck.
Get ridiculously good at building and maintaining relationships. Connection, mutually beneficial collaboration, respecting the wisdom each holds on equal terms, are the currency of the future.
8: Recognise the wrong support from truly aligned support
Fire and quit listening to all the people who have a conflict of interest in wanting to lift you with one hand, while holding you down or pulling you down with the other. Who try to tell you that your dreams are too big, that you're getting too big for your boots, who are giving you one version to your face and sticking a knife in your back the second you're out of the room. Learn how to recognise those people who hurl tonnes of their delighted energy at you and glamour you with charm because they want something from you, from those who are genuinely aligned with you, see and value you and care as much about your own growth and success as their own. When you're aligned with the same vision and values, when you have the same agenda, that's easy because you both want the same thing.
9: Learn how to lead in the future
Humans are a hierarchal species, we like to have levels of leadership, and so a traditional part of leadership training has been teaching and needs to, in this period of great transition into a world where we all have greater personal sovereignty, has to be teaching how to be influential and gain followship. But we must not forget that followship is NOT leadership. Having people become hopelessly dependent upon us is NOT aiding their SELF-empowerment. To "empower' is to give someone the power to do something. In order to create change in the world of future, we have to help others ascend into their own power and ability to self-lead. In the new paradigm that we want to unfold, everybody, when they tune into what they truly love and who they're truly here to be IS a part of the puzzle of change that needs to be pieced together, which means we need to start acknowledging everyone as equal as a leader, who, in their turn, will take the front of the room to deliver their important puzzle piece.
10: Get grateful for every single aspect of life
All of it. Yes even the tremendously shitty moments where absolutely horrendous stuff happened to you or others. This is one of the golden keys to liberating oneself from feeling like a victim, into the power to move beyond that experience forever. The good bits and the bad bits are the reason you are the amazing person who you are today. And the lessons you learned within the experience and how you navigated it, will become your wisdom and medicine to teach the world.
11: Detach from the Drama
Deal with your physiological and mental addictions to drama and get good at not playing out the stories and instead refocusing on what you love and how you're here to abundantly be of service.
12- Acknowledge your own value and be grateful for YOU
Acknowledge and get grateful for who you are, for all of the gifts, wisdom, processes you hold within you and acknowledge your own value. No matter what aspect of life you look at, business, dating, relating, whichever, the first and most important sale is always to yourself.
13- Celebrate your wins
And It’s so important though to acknowledge our wins along the way. The faster and more often you acknowledge and celebrate your milestones on the way to your bigger goals, the faster you “upgrade’ or rather actualise your insides and achieve more success on the outside, and in this case, help more people.
14- Be in this for the long term
In both the quick fix culture that is and start up business, it's so easy to get caught up is seeking short term gain and worrying that you need to quit if results aren't immediate. There will be times where things manifest rapidly and then there will be times at which they take their sweet freaking time. In the tech culture that is, there will be times where things have their season quickly and then die and so we have to be able to adapt faster than ever before. Yet, if you're truly going to lead and succeed in creating an inspired business and life you love, you've got to think the long game, with wealth with clients, with people. How can you create something that people can continue to grow and engage with over the long term, that will continue to support you and those you love over the long term?
15- I Believe
Believe in something bigger than yourself and practice operating in connection to it always, learn to trust and have faith in the the part of it that operates within us and the grand plan of perfection that is attempting to unfold with and through us always, if we can get out of our own way long enough to let it.
16- The impossible IS possible
I truly believe there’s no task, no massive dream we can be given that we’re not capable of achieving and that we don’t already have the innate potential and abilities to achieve. It’s worth remembering in the seeming down moments, life didn’t give you this goal, just to say “ha ha, PSYCH! Was just kidding, as if you can have that!) Our soul gives us those visions as a reminder of our destiny. Then it’s a matter of how long and sometimes getting out of our own way, to align with the right way to get it done and then doing the work, gathering the right resources and getting the right support to co-create your vision and make it, not just yours, but multiple people’s reality, every single day. Having a support tribe and a team of the right Mentors, is a huge part of that too. Someone to help you implement the many levels of business related practicalities and the practicalities of life.
17: Have a plan, but stop trying to control
Finally, have a plan, but at the same time, get out of your own way on trying to control all the outcomes so you and others can feel safe. You can't. But what you can control is within you, so make sure you use that power to create something good, for you and the world.
What support do you need now in your business to make the next part of your helping vision, your destiny, your reality each and every day?
Until next time have fun, take care.
Nat talks about Self Expression, Heart Centred Communication and Lifestyle for Leaders.