For the almost 10 years now that I have been a Wellness Practitioner, then a Coach and a Mentor to other Practitioners, I have always aspired to embody and empower as much authenticity and integrity in this world as I could, at the same time as having to co-exist in the business world with the ideal of what i call the White Picket Fence Success Woman, who has it all and the the perfectly manicured social media social proof to match, no matter what industry she works in.
When this personal challenge inevitably has come up for new clients, time and time again, I've told my clients exactly what I believe it's all about. Which is not denying oneself the love and honour we already deserve (from ourselves and others) for exactly who we are right now, while trying to live achieving a set of tick boxes set by someone else that measure your success. But instead i ask them to consider what abundance and prosperity means personally to them. And what their soul has to say about who they're here to be? To me it's not just about the material stuff. Abundance can be a plentiful supply of anything you desire in any aspect of life. Prosperity can be a quantity of such abundance or money to whatever amount suits their individual needs, whatever they are...wether that be to set up a clinic, get a new house, or extra funds to pay for a trip to the hot springs at the end of their coaching program via their business, or to have an abundant inner wellspring of new confidence.
My clients have happily shared and we've celebrated the achievements of all of these goals that were theirs. I want them all to know that they are enough exactly as they are right now. To have realistic and heartfelt goals and ambitions and their own set of self defined check boxes yes. But not, as i have been so prone to, beating oneself mentally to a bloody pulp for failing to BE this version of success or that one. Though in truth, what is REALLY underneath all that in my experience, is the fear of losing someone we love and admire's love and approval. Yet here's the catch 22...it's a little tricky to receive their love and approval or anyone's love and approval, until we've first dared to explore and bare up ALL of who we are and learn to love it, so that others who would love and admire us exactly as we are can actually GET to us...and we can receive what they have to give. My god have I tried my best, in the face of thousands of women (and men) all too ready to line up and shred me for my failures, to balance the demands of white picket success world with authenticity and personal integrity of that intention.
I cried for the love and appreciation placed elsewhere. And then I cried for the part of me that wouldn’t love and accept myself for having failed to become the next level of white picket fence success, in relationship or business. And i cried because i felt so not enough. I’m someone who has been through a lot in life and I am still healing. Forever it feels sometimes like I am still healing. And the pain sometimes to show up for work or for love means having to have that panic attack to purge that old thing first, sometimes it’s meant having to violently spew and shit my guts out with past traumas just to be able to stand in the room with close friends. But i do my best. To some, I am "awesome". And to some, not all, it was still never enough. All i wanted to be able to do was focus on the clients, on the shared purpose. But instead, my head i'd realised this last few years was constantly full of, distracted by this drama of egos trying to prove themselves enough to this person or another. Why?
But then the gold, like i said to you above, I asked me, who am i really doing this for and to be enough for? As for it to work, you have to be pursuing it for the right reasons, for your own deepest motivation and from a place of self love and love for others. If though, it ever becomes soley for the love and approval of the audience (instead of for their wellbeing and empowerment), or for this man or that woman, or that partner or family member, or this Coach, or this Mentor you love and respect's love and approval alone, i believe is not alone the most beneficial, and self honouring motivation. Caring what people think is an asset when it helps us be our best for all of the people in life we need to show up with and whenwe need to be the best we can for our clients.
But then there's an aspect of that which is actually playing out our ego stuff, our need for external validation, our wounded Daddy or Mummy stuff, and the unmet need that grows into for seeking the love and approval of the education system we were brought up to seek the approval of too, but on a far bigger scale. The challenge instead i think is to bring it back and be the ones ourselves to primarily define who we're here to be and if we're enough and living according to our own integrity. Then to fill ourselves so full with our own love that it doesn't matter quite so much who around us does or doesn't love or approve of us. Every opinion but our own is to be considered an opinion we can take or leave. Some people will love and value us as we are. Some wont. Some will be projecting their loving heads off. That's their right. That's life. I feel like i broken record with this lately, but you can choose the wound, or you can be the love. You can choose to love and receive love when you think you're finally white picket fence success enough. Or you can see and love and value the amazing being you are right now....and receive love. And you can get caught up crying over the spilled milk, or you can re-focus on the new set of challenges at hand.
And so i had a little ceremony and thanked the old me for all the old versions of me and all involved had taught me, but said goodbye to all the unrealistic expectations and hopes I and others put each other through. And then called the love in in all its forms....the self love, the love of others and welcomed a new and the more authentic version of me that i am here to be and the world full of people who fit with her, warts and all that i knew would be waiting on the other side when i let this go.
What I am, what I have achieved and created, experienced in the world so far though, the times i lived as Ms White picket fence relationship woman with the the manager man, the house the 2 SUV's and the lifestyle, for the times i have successfully supported, co-created, relief managed and practice managed 100k+ Psychology, Natural Therapies and Coaching Practices and for how many people I have helped find their strengths in their lives and businesses and the flow on of that, I am fucking proud. For the growth i have achieved, i too, am fucking proud. This last year has been a tremendously big lesson in continuing to love and back who I am and what I believe in despite the intense opposition that comes when you declare yourself and you trigger people and they tell you that you need to stop being you and be them and do it their way so that they feel loved and comfortable, especially in the financial gap moments, when their way, their "proven" way, they think is so much more successful.
As well as being a year of great growth and opportunity, it's been a year of saying multiple no's to support that came with conditions and a price in self love and integrity of my values that was too high and so I said no, in favour of saying yes to love and what best honoured all of our growth and empowerment. Even if it meant no food on my table or roof over my head, I said no. It' s been a year of asking what does abundance and prosperity mean to me now instead, beyond the million dollar success paradigm? What new way am i here to help co-create? And how can i create that and be me and help people? And whatever comes, I do it. I get up and look myself in the mirror and love myself and say fuck it, I’ll give it another shot, and I do my best to own my shit and walk my talk and I do it. And for the opportunities that are showing up now to match that, i am so excited and so very grateful to be a part of. As a friend of mine said to me recently, it really is true that life meets you in the most wonderful ways when you put all of beautiful, unique, shiny and wounded you on the table.
Hey there friends of She Lives a Life She Loves :-) How was your week this week? On my Facebook page this week I was talking about intuition and asked the question, how can you work on honing your intuition in your business and life to help maximise your success and the longevity of your efforts in all you create? And use your discernment to ensure that the possibilities that present are the most aligned for the highest good of you and all involved?
In this video, I talk a little more about why I think it's important to be able to access your intuition and ability to be discerning with all of the information (and energy) available to you, how this can benefit both your business and your clients and finally I talk about 5 things you can do every day to help you open up your intuition more in business and life.
If you're yet to become a member of the fabulous Practitioner Collective Facebook group I co-facilitate, you may have missed me mentioning last Sunday that I had also just recorded a few versions of one of the energetic self care meditation practices I mention in this video that I had just done for myself on our lazy Self-Care Sunday...so that rather than having to think about doing a process at the end of my busy working week while i was tired and just wanted to lie on the coach, I could just listen to somebody guiding me through the same version instead. This process I was talking about is actually a mini version of a process I had originally designed to take my Wellness/Coaching/Human Service Business Owning clients through in session when they too have been really busy, have seen lots of clients that day, or have had some stuff come up they know they'd like to clear. It helps them instantly re-connect with their clarity of self and purpose, re-charge and re-set to their highest potential. You can find out more about this meditation, which I've popped a link to below and why it helps you also further hone your intuition in the video above.
She Lives a Life She Loves End of Day R & R Meditation
If after watching it, you'd like to know more about how you can further develop your intuition within your Wellness or Coaching business and your life, for the benefit of you, your clients and your bottom line, you know where you can find me, right?
Until next time, have fun, take care.
Hey there all. If you saw my Facebook page this week, you'll have seen i'd said I wanted to make this week about remembering our feminine strength. I love the softness of the feminine. I well understand the vulnerability of the feminine. But, despite what I've been through in life, I refuse to ever buy into the the continual perpetuation of the idea that women are helpless weak flowers of vulnerability who can’t protect themselves and NEED to be protected by men because we’re so constantly in danger in life for our physical fragility. A woman in ownership of her full power, connected to the earth, balanced in her feminine and masculine i have found fears nothing. She has an incredible gift and ability to bring people back into their hearts and their truth. Those who would exploit or attack her inevitably find that they cannot meet her gaze, they fall at her feet or they flee in fear. That is the true power of the feminine.
Personally, i think that listening to and taking on this fear based notion that women can't protect themselves TOO IS actually making women vulnerable to fear, harm and disempowered in ways they just do not have to be. Now just to be clear, I’m not talking about instinct that tells us when there is a genuine threat. I’m talking about the mind and collectively generated fear. The fear can be like an anchor we allow ourselves to be chained to, or even chain ourselves to that threatens to constrict us to one place, that keeps us disconnected from the wonderful experiences we’re meant to be having, for the wrong reasons. We are WAY more powerful than that. We just need to be lovingly shown and supported to see that we are.
There were times in my life at which I believed too and fell prey to that above thinking, believed that men were physically stronger than me and I had no power in the face of their will, their anger, desires, their shadow (& my own.) Times at which I couldn’t physically overpower the grown men to who’s desired I objected and rejected and being denied, they tried to re-take the power by force. Situations in which, because of that exact collectively perpetuated fear above, i came to believe that i no power, but to surrender to minimise the damage.
But in truth, after many years of work to heal myself and explore what TRUE feminine power really looks and feels like and where our true feminine power lies, I’ve come to have since been to the other extreme; so that, in recent years, when I’ve been in the vicinity of that same energy of threat, for the work I've done, the practices I've learned, the wisdom I've integrated and parts of myself remembered and reactivated, I’ve watched myself repeatedly get the upper hand when I had to and then progressed onto the stage where I was genuinely then surprised and scared at just how much it went to the other extreme and how much power I actually had over men (and women) in every day life that they would almost fall in love and fall at the feet of MY desires. And then finally onto getting used to wielding the ability to, for longer and longer, to hold the conscious feminine and masculine heart-centred presence for longer and longer and bring love, conscious awareness and equality to situations, personal and professional, where there was a power issue of one form or another playing out . For those of you who are wondering, just to clarify, none of that involved sex or seduction or any form of deliberate psychological manipulation. Simply knowing thy true feminine self, being in ones heart and owning and being willing to speak ones truth.
And I’m not alone in this. I’ve witnessed countless, friends, colleagues, clients go through this same transition. To be able to now say with authority that no woman need EVER, EVER, be walking around in a state of fear all the time about her physical fragility and perceived lack of power and control. With strangers. Or the men closest to her.
There are numerous, tangible, evidence based practices and some that have been around for thousands of years you can learn (or rather more accurately perhaps remember) that put you in your power and an equal to every other being on this planet. Ones that, if you really had no other choice, yes you could use to get the upper hand, but certainly that help you evolve to a place where the walking around in constant fear stuff will basically be off your radar (& you off the attackers thinking about doing it’s radars) and once you know it, then even if you did have to face an attacker, being in possession of this knowledge and these practices will either
a) Bring them straight back into their hearts and integrity and like coming out of trance, they’ll immediately admit to what was just playing out and apologise. Best case scenario.
b) Or they’ll sit there unable to look in your eyes stunned and unsure what to do, like a deer in the headlights and then you’ll choose what to do next and have the time and freedom to exit or ask them to
c) Genuine attackers will not choose you and not even want to come near you because they wont be able to play out the harm they intend with you. As a friend put it to me when we discussed this the other day, “you are not the droid they’re looking for.”
It all involves being in your heart, your integrity, in your power, and working with nature and human psychology, plus learning some physical practices that help you embody not just intellectually but with whole body conviction how to wield your own essence and power. Your own wildness and warrior spirit yes, but most importantly the truth of your heart.
Me telling you all this intellectually though is one thing. You coming into the knowing of it yourself is another. And this is exactly a part of what i have designed my 5 week Life Reinvention Technology Course to help you my fellow Wellness and Social Enterprising women friends to not just understand but to start living your full feminine potential with confidence every single day.
I cannot express just admamantly enough how much i want you to be living from that level of love and freedom every single day. To be operating from that level of love, empowerment, ease and grace in all aspects of life, business and personal, every single day.
There is a beautiful possibility that lies beyond the fear place and it doesn’t matter who starts the growth process, woman, man, whoever, the same can develop. When a woman chooses to face the fear and step into being in our full power, we actually also empower men to come more fully into theirs. So that, once a certain point of healing has been achieved, for longer periods, we can both stop tip toeing around each other and our fear and fragility, we come into our full expression and the potential of who we're here to be and they come into full comfort and expression of their physical, emotional, psychological, sexual power and soulful, spiritual power. And yes they can still hold us through our fragile vulnerable bits and we through theirs. But at the end of the day, once every body finishes their processy moments, we step back and allow the other to come back into their fully empowered self and we stand together as Kings and Queens, as equals.
Imagine a world were we all work towards THAT together? And trust that as we grow and let go of the old way, that we’ll all still align with each other on the other side in wonderful new ways, with a wonderful new depth of connection? So long as we’re all willing to look in the mirror and see and own our stuff, let it go and grow together.
I’m not going to pretend that this journey of transforming into ones fully empowered self is an easy one. It's not for everyone. But it is so worth it. And it is an essential part of coming into our power as the next generation of female leaders, in our making a difference endeavours and is pivotal to our success in creating successful businesses and lives we love too, as well as thriving in our relationships.
If you would like to know more about these transformative practices of which i speak, then please do contact me for a chat and I'll tell you a little bit more about them and how we can possibly do some work together in my upcoming Love Live Lead Workshop and 5 week Life Reinvention Program. I say might because it still has to be the right fit for us both and I need to check a few things with you to ensure that you are in fact not just willing but ready for this journey. (I will say no to people who i genuinely don't think my work is right for.)
But that being said, I cannot tell you just how much in my heart I want women everywhere to remember their true heart centred power, their capacity to be the incredible, powerful, heart-centred, integral leaders of the future and live a life of love and freedom and true prosperity, whatever that means to you personally.
And so i finish by saying again what i said on my Facebook page this week, don't buy into the fear, remember your power and the incredible love and strength that lays within you sister.
Until next time, have fun, take care.
Hey there fellow Wellness and Social Entrepreneur. If you're someone with an important message you would like to share with the world, whether online via social media or webinars, or face to face through speaking at events, then this one is for you. In my work of Coaching Wellness Business owners to share their gifts with the world and create successful businesses and lifestyles they love, I've found that there are a fairly common set of challenges particularly that we women face as we step up and declare our expertise in a particular area. Here are 3 tips and practices that I've found really help in building your confidence and resilience, as well as staying centred and in your flow in front of a crowd. Have a watch and feel free to let me know which ones you'll be implementing and how you go.
Until next time, have fun, take care
Hey there. How are you travelling this week?
One topic Kristyna and I have been discussing a lot lately, and I'm seeing pop up a lot this week is the concern about why some posts or offers that practitioners are putting out there just aren't converting into anything, like we hoped they would. Here's a video combining a few different schools of thought on the matter and on what you can do to start converting more of those posts and offers you put out there into sales.
If you have any questions any thoughts you'd like to share, I'd love to hear.
Until next time, have fun, take care.
Nat talks about Self Expression, Heart Centred Communication and Lifestyle for Leaders.