If we want to succeed in being kinder we got to get metaphysical

Unbeknown to many this week, it was kindness day on Monday 13th November, which is a day that was established in 1998, in the hope of encouraging compassion, empathy, acts of loving service and unity between people of various different backgrounds and highlighting kind acts that were being performed in the community and in the world. While it continues to be the case that far too many people still view kindness as some form of weakness, research continues to back up that kindness, love and compassion are the answer to many of the world’s problems right now.  (As if we should need a study to confirm that.) But let’s not let my frustration at the number of times I’ve needed to use the “we ask that you please communicate respectfully at all times” line with stressed out people this week hijack this into a rant.  What did occur to me though in the process of work and life this week (and book editing my book about kindness) is a couple of factors that will get in the way of us being able to fully achieve the desired outcomes from implementing the 6 pillars of creating greater kindness in communication I was talking about.


As I walked frequently back of house through the smell of sweat, dirty feet, stress hormones, verbal condescension and raised voices this week backstage at a handful of dance concerts, and reflected on the past olfactory experience of “Eau de fight” (and dirty feet) that you can also clearly detect when walking through, say, the average Ju Jitsu gym, I reflected on some of the research that suggests that emotional states are quite literally infectious. When we get fight flight activated, in the directions of fear or aggression, as much as when we feel deeply depressed, as just 3 examples, we sweat out the biochemistry of that. So if you’re working with, living with, dancing or sparring with someone who’s activated in that state, giving off that biochemistry, as we walk through the space, breathing that in, absorbing it into our skin, it is absolutely the case that we can take on not just “the energy” of the room (as some call it) and the mood, by observation or some form of empathic receptivity. But physiologically, we’re ALSO at risk of biochemically absorbing the stressed state of the room. And if we’re not aware of that, playing straight back into mirroring it.


This is one thing that we’ve got to understand too if we’re to break the cycle of verbally defensive reactivity that goes along with operating in stressful situations, and AT times at which we’re challenged. Someone has quite literally got to lead by example in shifting the state of the room at those times. Or it can and will further deteriorate into a living sh3$show of abuse and closed hearts.


Secondly, there is an aspect of successfully enacting kind behaviour and having it stick, that I’ve been debating how much of it I include in the book, when I originally started writing it with a corporate market in mind. BUT if I don’t do it, handing out the book as it is, as though it’s some form of answer, would be like asking someone to use it to successfully put together a 500 piece puzzle, while withholding 176 of the pieces. Another aspect of maintaining kindness, is also metaphysical. So at the risk of losing a sh$t load of people, in a play on the immortal words of Olivia Newton John and later Dua Lipa, “let’s get “METAphysical.”



But first of all, a little backstory for just a paragraph on why I would talk about that. As a person who is often identified as a Career Polymath of sorts, who first studied a Contemporary Arts course that emphasised the need for Creatives to be multi modality skilled in order to achieve success, I’ve long been one who has had 2-3 career paths and aspirations running simultaneously. In my late 20’s, while I was largely working in Community Services NFP’s, Emergency Services and Health RTO’s after studying my Counselling and Biological Science qualifications, I got really interested in and started studying Shamanism, Transpersonal Psychology and numerous Energetic Health and Healing modalities. As well as how trauma manifests and how to clear trauma imprints from a metaphysical, not just psychological, or psychosomatic “mind-body connection” viewpoint. Like many, some traumatic experiences earlier in life also catalysed the opening  up of some of my own extra sensory awarenesses, and later abilities to work with energy, that this professional explanation was the next step in that journey.  


But long story short, in my own personal humble viewpoint, with love and respect to the huge amount of great work being done by some very notable Psychologists and Psychiatrists in trying to heal trauma, trying to heal trauma, trigger and defence patterns,   without understanding metaphysics, feels like trying to reassemble and run a functional combustion engine, with a whole piston missing, or play an octave on a piano with a missing C key and then expecting both to sound right…when in all cases, none of these have all the components present to function optimally. Let alone the belief that it even can. Whatever metaphor we use though, It’s hard to live into our highest potential and functional optimally as humans, if we’re missing whole pieces of the blueprint and apparatus required for optimal function. And how to optimally BE a living embodiment of our highest expression and of unconditional love and compassion.


To both heal trauma, break defensive and abusive behaviour patterns and hence be able to be more kind, we need to also understand the metaphysical component of how any single one of us can also be “influenced” by beings and consciousnesses, physical and non physical, as much as the “signals” of thoughtforms and intentions of others at any given time. As well as understanding how we're being impacted by “the energy/mood” or biochemistry in the room. And there are certain states in which we become more readily able to be “influenced” by those, as much as in which we become open to being able to perceive and receive what they’re trying to say and do. 


For example, as a Shaman might describe it, when we’re under the influence of drugs or planet medicines, and our controlling monkey minds take a back seat from trying to passenger seat control our driving all the time, and our higher consciousness, or parts of our unconscious (if we want to go Jungian) take the wheel, we can be more ‘open’ to perceiving and receiving both wanted and intentional metaphysical interactions, as well as the full spectrum of 'meta to human' or 'extra to our terrestrial nature' that exist full stop out there. The same is true when we are put, or put ourselves in trance states, high energy (eg ecstatic dance or marathon running) or low energy (meditative) states. Like Frodo putting on the one ring, suddenly we can see and become aware of the fact that they were there the entire time. 


Conversely, getting drunk, or stimulated by some addictive recreational drugs on the other hand, specifically when often used with the intent of escapism, or without fully understanding what we’re opening ourselves potentially up to, tend to have the effect of putting us in a more vulnerable state to be influenced by the same kinds of characters, that might take advantage of the situation if they found us just lying passed out on the street. The shamanic perspective of this is that, when we drink or use substances to check out, it’s a bit like leaving our vehicle parked in the middle of the street, with all 4 doors open, running and the keys left in the ignition. WIth your credit cards and I.D. left in your wallet, carelessly on the passenger seat too. Some people in seeing this, would try and help. Some “beings” on the other hand, will go “hell yes, well if you’re that stupid to leave it there, you basically told me I could take it for a spin and use all your cards! Thanks Mate!”


As with humans, some of the non physical consciousnesses, or beings have benevolent, loving intent and are on our support team to help us reach our highest expression. And just like any crowd of humans we walk into, a percentage of them are suffering; they’re lost, confused or depressed energies or souls, looking for help, safety, answers, resolution, meaning, purpose, or a safe home. Just like a small percentage of humans, some also want to get their hands on something that we have, by any means that they can, and are quite willing to manipulate, or impersonate, or whisper stuff in your ear to get it. A bit like the “odd ball agitator” that occasionally gets on the bus and starts making everyone uncomfortable while they’re acting out for attention, or educating them on their beliefs that no one asked for, some of them want to bully and get their kicks out of saying something that makes everyone in the space react. Or get their kicks out of turning a room against each other and then feeding off the energy and sense of power it gives them. (We often see them, but not the cheeky 'consciousness' standing to their left and speaking through them.) And some of those souls might still be pissed off about that thing that happened in 1723 and are happy to still hang around you as spirits now, like the Green Man over Tom Hank's shoulder in the movie Cloud Atlas, whispering unhelpful thoughts in your ear, every time you, for example, try and reconnect in THIS life, with a third party who rejected them for you  back then. Or trying to sabotage your self esteem, or achievements when you’re doing well, or you’re new friendships, or relationships when they’re jealous/not a part of it/you're not paying attention to them. Basically multidimensional beings can be both good and be total jerks too. 


So just like the way we would deal with physical humans who were treating us this way, when we notice some signs that there might have been something hiding in our blindspot, “influencing us” (eg those sudden, “unexplainable” mood changes, triggers or compulsions, impacting ourselves or others ) we can also make a conscious choice for both ourselves, and the benefit of others, to do a set of practices to manage the metaphysical aspects of that. Which:

1. Set a clear set of expectations and boundaries about how we want to engage with them (or not.)
2. Call for benevolent multidimensional help and support either for them (in creating closure with them, or in just moving them on to their next soulful purpose and destination) and help putting ourselves back in order when we’ve started to be negatively impacted by whoever or whatever it was
3. Implement some energetic/metaphysical hygiene. Not unlike taking a shower after dancing or sparring with others, or just when we get covered in dirt while gardening or cleaning, it also helps immensely if we practice a daily energy/multidimensional hygiene practice, to clear off any of the emotional ‘dirt’, thought forms, or atmospheric biochemistry we’ve picked up throughout the day.  As well as 
4. “State manage” ourselves back into a psychological and physical state of balance and calm, centred, grounded alignment with our truest soulful selves and highest expression.

When we don’t, when we’re run down, or exhausted and our patience and tolerance is at it’s lowest, or we're in escapism mode, we make ourselves more vulnerable to taking on or being influenced by energies, ideas and intentions that aren’t our own. Human or meta human. And this can be a contributing factor in why tempers and conflicts flare and get worse. And or, why at times, people’s moods and demeanour seemingly go from one extreme to another, in a very short amount of time, with very little obvious external or internal trigger. Yet, they’re suddenly triggered, or filled with a compulsive urge to say and do things that might seem somewhat out of character, compared to how they felt about us or what they were focused on just prior.  


“Being kind” often gets readily intellectually accepted and advocated for, in the moments in life where life is all rainbows and sunshine. But what I feel we’re being confronted with en masse right now, is that it’s when we’re not ok, when we’re vulnerable and pushed to our limits, that practicing kindness actually matters the most.  But if we’re to truly do that exceptionally well, we also need to understand how to manage the metaphysical stuff in the room, that can be potentially compromising our own wellbeing and psychological safety. As well as that of others, and that of our relationships. 


If you have any further questions on that, always happy to do a session on what the practices that I do, that have landed me some pretty amazing feedback for the quality of the professional spaces that I’ve created and held over the years, look like. They're also pretty handy in catalysing some pretty remarkable turn-arounds in relationships and external circumstance too, once you clear out some of the "third parties" that can be subtly getting in the way.


Until next time…

Nat Ferrier xx