How to fast track our progress in operating beyond the well meaning logic of fear

Have you ever backed away from something you really wanted to do in life out of fear?

The voice of fear I’ve found, has a way at times of sounding remarkably convincing, based on its detailed, well thought out, evidence-based logic. It really does in moments, sound like a close friend, trying to do what’s best for us in having our back. And yet, if you look a little deeper, it’s motivations are all, in some way, based in fear. In hypothetical “what if’s” and worst case scenarios. With frequent omissions of the possibility of great joy, success, or growth also resulting from taking that course of action. It can be easy to fall for its often false evidence appearing real. Because sometimes the evidence is actually startlingly similar to and well based in fact.


No matter what career I’ve been in, I’ve spent a lot of time talking with people about how we overcome the fears that hold us back. But the illusion is often that I’m somehow immune to, or have found a way to eliminate fear. But I’ve never done or gone after many of the things I love the most in the absence of fear. With some of the “bigger”  opportunities, they key was often speed of execution. As one of my Mentors past used to say, taking action faster than the speed of disbelief. At other times, like the time I met Leon Nacson, or the time i was speaking in a NIDA Speaking Training, as a staff member OF NIDA, my heart was thumping out of my chest. At others, like some of the times my Business or Speaking Mentors, (to give you some context to those of you who don't yet know me that well, some of whom just happened to also be the kinds of people who've spoken on stage with the likes of Tony Robbins, or Richard Branson) I straight up felt like I was going to black out if I didn’t get up and move, or break eye contact.


And in fact, one of the reasons I took a diversion from doing some of the paid creative and performing arts things I love at 19 was precisely because of the calm, logical sounding voice of fear. After I’d been through some pretty major stuff AND got a taste of the early effects of that era of the objectification of Actresses and the dark side of monentarily  hysteria driven, alcohol fuelled drunk, obsessive, fan-man behaviour. Three instances within 3 months of sexual assault, rape and one instance of almost breaking my back (that took 10 years to heal) in my first 12 months out there, doing theatre and showcases, not even with the major exposure that tv or film could bring yet, I already felt like I needed a full time security guard following me around everywhere. And especially where drunk people were. And had no idea yet how to handle any of that. So I slammed the breaks on and ran, for perfectly legimtate, logical, fear based reasons.


It was really easy to start listening to the “for your wellbeing,’’ self care related logic and trusted Lecturer’s suggestions, of “maybe after all the intensity of the last few years, you should just take a gap year…earn some decent money, go travel, have some fun…take care of yourself and relax a bit, after the last several years of academic pressure, family deaths and illnesses, and carrying the weight of a house wife and parent while I was still at home. Let alone the things that had just happened now. And the more I started working and getting a taste of financial independence and security after all that, the easier it became to keep listening to well founded, logical Engineer brain and Recruitment Consultant derived logic about how staying that path was THE right, sensible thing. If in moments, when some well-meaning middle aged female Recruitment Agency Owner would tell me “I should give up my childless little girl drama dreams and settle down into a nice secretarial job, find a Man and have a family,” there was some serious push-back on my insides, followed by some hasty “thank you for the opportunity, but I don’t think this is for me’s.” After almost a another year out in various temp jobs, I already knew there was no lasting fulfilment and growth for me in several sectors I was offered the opportunity to temp in. But yet I still didn’t have any answers to the problems of managing either my own security and crazy, drunk, obsessive, objectifying fan man behaviour. And at least one other deeper one, of how can i genuinely make a difference and help people, amongst circles of people who just seem more obsessed right now with getting fame? I avoided the real issues and few people seemed to see the need to broach the real issues. While some challenged my logic when I started thinking about alternative courses and career paths that would also make me happy. Almost no one said they thought I was making a mistake.


I knew by depths of depression in the 3rd year of my Animal/Biological Science Degree that I’d lost my way, but was determined at this point to finish SOMETHING. (Particularly too under the guilt of the knowing that I wasn’t the one paying for it.) Yet one breakdown and breakthrough later, it didn’t feel like “life” was supporting me to stay on that path. All the locked, overly competitive doors of getting turned down for doing honours in Marine Ecology or Biology (but accepted for Muscle Physiology within Zoology and watching myself trying to bullshit my way to justifying another honours hypothesis worth pursuing ) and a solid couple of years of being rejected for paid jobs in both numerous forms of natural resource management, environmentally and marine ecology focused NFP’s, government organisations, agriculture and Zoo’s, followed by a few well meaning "Angels" being dropped into my life via share houses and suggestions of intuitive readings later, that offered perspectives other than that of fear, only made it easier to then justify my eventual return to a career trajectory that i could now envision could involve the combining of helping people and healing, with the creative arts. Suddenly then, it was all open doors and opportunities.


Even in moments when I was focusing on studying Art Therapy and building my Counselling and then Coaching practice, I’d be being invited to be in bar scenes for TV show’s being produced by people my partner played cricket with. I’d go to work wearing my Coach hat the days a corporate promotional ad and training videos were being filmed, talent supplied by my representing agency for extra work at the time, and whether they’d supplied me or not, I’d STILL end up playing a visible part in those productions. Or I’d get handed an opportunity at work to run Art Therapy workshops for kids. Everywhere I went, “life” was conspiring to get me back on that path AND back in front of live and bigger audiences too. Which, even from the standpoint of a Thought Leader, instead of an Actress brought me straight back around to having to confront all my urge to pass out, fear responses again, head on.  Some things you just can’t outrun forever. “Life” (or your higher self even) sometimes just won’t let you!


Every step along the way I believe has a purpose, and adds something, or activates something within our arsenal of tools needed to successfully thrive in living our life purpose. In hindsight, everything I’d done or been guided to do since, provided some piece of the puzzle in healing, or building my resilience in both mindset, and physical skill in being able to meet, match or defend against the kinds of energies i was afraid of, and dare I even say it out loud, as the last line of defence resort, even Jedi mind control (or Jedi heart control) my way in similar crowd related circumstances today, to much better outcomes than I was able to create 20 years prior.


But my point was that it’s not like I’ve become anything that I am in the absence of fear. I get it, that fear of “what if’s” and the temptation to listen to the wise voice of seemingly “i've got your back” logic. If I had to suggest today what actions someone else could take to fast-track progress in operating beyond the seeming logic of fear, they would be something like these:


Take action faster than you can think about it.

I said it above, right at the start, but just to reinforce the point. “Don’t think, just do!”


Learn how to management your state, but lean harder into the love and excitement of it

One the hardest aspects of fear, is the aspect of nervous activation, where we start to feel out of control. Learning how to manage our mind and achieve neuro-regulation is an essential part of managing our fear response. Yet it can be easy to start to get way too preoccupied with eliminating and managing the fear and triggers, out of the need to regain control. When what can sometimes be more useful, is instead shifting our focus off of the fear, and instead onto focusing on what is exciting and excites us about the possibility to do this thing we love. It’s important too that we lean into loving the process of becoming physically excited itself. To see those internal rushes of biochemistry and energy as measures of pending excitement and good things about to happen. As fuel for opportunities to live fully, experience deep fulfilment and happiness and love life. And as my Speaking Mentors of years past have put it, to lean into the excitement of getting to show up in being of service, to the people who need that certain something that only you have (as Marie Forleo would also put it.) Instead of continuing to read those internal signs of activation as warning signs of impending doom and “false evidence appearing real” to come. The faster we put this step into practice, the better.


Whatever you’re afraid of, confront it  & if necessary, up-skill until you feel more confident


Many wise people have said that courage does not develop in the absence of fear, but despite it. We learn that we can cope and handle it, ultimately in the doing. The fear monster often appears, like a shadow on a wall at night, to be appearing larger than it really is. Hence the act of confronting that same trigger, that we feared was going to be so terrifying, often shows us that, actually, it wasn’t nearly as bad as we thought it was going to be. The monster is actually only 2cm tall and tiny. And actually, we handled it! It didn’t kill us after all. And our body re-set and calmed on the other side of that. We may even have succeeded in using neuroregulatory state management or mindset techniques to achieve it. And when we handle it, our faith in that “we’ve got this” ultimately grows.


If there’s a skill that we don’t have yet, that might help us feel more confident in being able to handle that situation, like learning non-violent communication techniques, doing a public speaking or leadership training, doing a defensive driving course, learning self defence or BJJ; as just a few examples, sometimes upskilling can also help us feel more confident in handling that particular challenge or scenario. So upskiling, instead of overthinking, can be a good move too.


Embrace faith

I say this because, according to ongoing CENSUS data, apparently around 75% of the Australian population alone still consider themselves religious, and another small percentage on top of that consider themselves spiritual but not religious. So that’s a lot of people who are open to the idea of there being a grander purpose and order within and behind all of this. And I’ve found embracing our trust in that divine order, in the universal support teams of multi-dimensional consciousnesses, ancestors, guardians, “Jedis” that we can call on to “be with me” and support us in our moments of challenge and “the doing”, can also be an essential part of fast-tracking our progress onto the path of the “higher” purpose we’re aspiring to be living. And in my humble experience, sometimes that “higher support” can be an essential part of averting more negative outcomes from occurring. When I remember to practice that, (sometimes 10mins AFTER I called on someone else for help, or started to get pulled into reactivity) it has worked for me so many times now, within 20 seconds or less, than I’m well down the rabbit hole of belief on this one. It might not be for everybody, but if you do happen to be someone who believes in any version of higher consciousness/es, whatever your words for them, I think it’s worth a reminder to lean into faith and ask for help, over entertaining the voice of fear.


Let people support you

This one is particularly for the Women. As a part of the evolution of my journey of public presence, when it came to the era of putting myself out there to the masses as a Coach and Speaker, and my times of greatest success, there has repeatedly been Men in my world, whether as partners for a time, or business partners offering to energetically stand by my side in presence and help have my back behind the scenes in the face of the energies I/we as Women at times have to navigate. I have no qualms in admitting that I’m literally better at what I do (& more stable) when that kind of support is present. There is some degree of truth I believe to the notion that, behind every great Man OR Woman, is a great Man or Woman AND often a great support team, helping them hold space and win. Learning to navigate our triggers and challenges independently, so that we know that we can, is one thing. And gets us through when there’s no one else. Yet it’s worth remembering that we also don’t have to do it all alone. Embracing interdependence and calling in support to help us shine in the best and challenging times, is something we totally can and probably should do a lot more often. And finally…


Know your why

It also helps immensely to know the big why that is the deeper motivation behind what we do. And why we love and feel so passionate about what we want to do. Or already do. And to remember that in moments where the seeming logic of fear talk is starting to win out over us…and we start feeling the need to pull away from doing what we love for the wrong reasons.


For my big why, from a young age, I found so much love in the performing arts and in theatre in the process, as much as the performance. I loved everything about it. The character development, the human psychology, the self expression, the singing, the bringing a story to life. The getting to tell a story that really matters and makes an impact, as loving entertaining and leaving people with something positive that maybe they didn’t even know they needed. The getting to talk to so many different people…and truly loving the opportunity to talk with them, to get to know more about what lights them up and enjoy life with them.


But I also found a secret gift within it all in my senior years of high school (and peer support/mentoring) that I wasn’t expecting, that first put me on the path to where i am today. It was also the quiet moments in the rehearsal rooms, or in the change rooms after, where a junior student would come up to me, tell me what was going on in life, and or that they were scared of going out on stage and ask me for advice (because as a senior lead each year, they thought I had it nailed) that gave me a sense of deep purpose and usefulness. When I got to say something useful to them, not just about the play, but also about life, something that i could see in realtime helped them grow into a more empowered version of themselves.,that brought me a lot of happiness to watch. And really made it all rewarding in a whole other way. 

In that respect, every sphere of influence, wellness, corporate or otherwise where I’ve got to coach, mentor , speak to or teach small or large groups of people since appealed because of the difference that I saw that I could make via it. Far more than did the thrusting my chest out in the direction of receiving adoration and praise, or recognition or nominations for awards. So over the years, the appeal of walking a red carpet, became far more about the positive impact I could make leaning over the fence and saying things that truly mattered to people who truly wanted to hear it.

If i had’ve realised 20 years ago the ways that I know of today, in which I would go on to hybridise helping and the performing arts in a paid professional, for profit way, I might have also been more resilient in staying the course back then. Despite my deep fears that developed about having to deal with the darkest of humanity on a public stage, that inevitably goes at times, hand in hand with showing up with and for the best of humanity too. And despite other peoples ‘voices of well-meaning, but sometimes really fear based reasoning.”

Which is why I say to you now, if you don’t know what your big why’s are, or they’ve recently slipped from your awareness, it’s important to find them and bring them back to front of mind. For the good days and especially the days where the voice of fear tries to paint itself as your ally. Is it though? Sometimes it too needs a fact checker.

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The well-meaning voice of fear can be useful in reminding us at times to be more considerate of ours or others wellbeing for sure. But when it guides us off and away from the path of doing the things we love the most and find the deepest sense of purpose from, or that voice speaking through us, guides others to step away from theirs, my friend, we've lost our way. What's the point in the end of living life, locked in a padded cell of protection, in a protective, padded, biohazard resistant suit, if it means we can never touch life up close, or get out there and really live, or love?

Until next time, have fun, take care and may you and life be amazing.

Nat xx

P.S. Got questions, a suggestion for something you'd like me to talk about, or something you'd like to share? Feel free to jump on a free group Zoom session with me, Tuesday evenings Sydney AEST at 7pm. 

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