Complete with rebellious Sagittarian “I live life by my way” attitude. she was basically a hybrid of some things that, today, I’ve since done or become, some qualities that I didn’t yet realise that I already WAS, but definitely, she was effortlessly confident, effortlessly in flow , personally and professionally expressed and she was radiantly IMPACTFUL in all the ways at the time that I perceived that I wasn’t yet and so wanted to be (or wanted to be again.)
Then, there’s the REALITY of what had happened over the years when i started TRYING to be any of what I envisioned and ESPECIALLY when you start TRYING to impress or please anyone or showcase all the best parts of yourself you SOOOOOO want them to see (and love).
[Cut the awards night music and cue the standard harsh sound of ripping the needle across the record and the intro music for the blooper reel of “impact” gone slightly “wrong.”]
Like that time in high school on a sports day I was taking a run up to jump over a rope barrier, noticed my high school love interest at the time was watching, executed, only to get half way through, have the wind blow the rope further into the air, so that my back foot DIDN’T in fact clear it…..and as I brought that foot through, proceeded to have one of those moments that looked less graceful, but A1 typical of every Warner Brothers cartoon moment where the character works out mid air that they’d just accidentally run off a cliff. I still stuck the landing, but definitely SAW it going SO much better in my head.
Or that time last year that I was standing at an impromptu beach dance party on a warm evening, with both friends and work people alike all around, started to execute what, on a Sunday morning dance-floor, would’ve been the right leg raise of a reasonably well executed Pirouette, only because it was hot and sweaty… and i was wearing skinny jeans instead of leggings… and I just caught the eye of a guy who i definitely wanted to finally GET it that I could be THAT feminine flowy expressed, INSTEAD, my leg literally gets stuck half way because of…sweaty skinny jeans....and so i do it again and overemphasise the STUCK bit mid eye gaze with a “damn it!” of frustration, embarrassed laugh.....in a manner more akin to the elegance of Bridget Jones, than a woman who’s name, in Russian literally means “Dancer.”
Interesting, isn’t it, what happens when you start TRYING to be something or impress someone with something you don’t think they already see or GET?
Contrast that with other dancy moments, on stage, in the middle of comedy performances and audiences full of agents, where there was no pressure to dance perfectly, as per the script we'd written. i just had to, say suddenly fall under a trance in the middle of a hypnotherapy workshop and, along with several others, burst into singing and dancing "I will survive” until the Hypnotherapist stopped the music; and had laughing audiences give standing ovations to that. And thought not nearly as much about the technical execution of the dance bit of it (because it was MEANT to look exactly as it probably looked)…until the next day, I’d be pulled aside by my Drama Lecturer at the end of class and asked if i'd passed the dance audition at the start of the year and why WASN'T i also doing Dance (and what was I doing about singing), when i could clearly also move and sing.
Funny, isn't it how, in the moments where you're NOT trying to be awesome, and you’re not trying to impress anyone, you just lose yourself in the flow of the moment, that you BE awesome, you shine and people notice and are positively impacted by your genius.
I’m an avid believer that anything in life is possible and any dream or vision we find ourselves repetitively having and feel drawn to act upon is a future prediction of what is already wanting to unfold and flow through us and the components of it TO us in the present moment. In that respect, no dream can be given to us we don’t already have the ability to actualise. Sometimes though, we just have to get out of our own way. of our own mind trying to control it, of our limiting beliefs about what we think we are, about wether we think we are or aren’t already "enough", of our limiting beliefs about how we think others see us....because they can become the literal disconnect from the flow of us actually achieving it. And more than that, prevent us being able to receive the love, support and the entirely complimentary partners in that reality, that are actually already trying to reach us….whether we realise it or not.
Thus getting good at BEING (not just TRYING to be awesome) is about:
Learning to see ourselves, see others and see life in the present moment as things REALLY are….through our soulful eyes, not just the constructs of our mental eyes, (which can and will see and show you evidence of whatever you believe to be the most true, good or bad. So probably best to sync them up with our soulful eyes, which see things from a much higher and more loving vantage point).
And learning to trust, surrender to the flow of and partner with a universal intelligence that is constantly conspiring in our favour always and in the direction of the constant unfolding of our highest potential, moment to moment. More often on purpose, rather than by accident.
That presence, wether we notice or not, is constantly sending us little signs and giving us little hints right throughout life, to ensure we stay in connection and alignment with that universal intelligence.
That vision I had in 2010, these days, in hindsight, I laugh and roll my eyes realising NOW that I already WAS so many of the things I wanted to be that I thought I wasn’t. Which is precisely why part of my genius in recent years has been helping others also see THEMSELVES and their full potential with clarity in the moments where they're struggling to see it too....and then supporting them to live, lead, speak, create and relate from that place. We teach what we learn.
Have you too ever had one of those “leader who’s lost their way” moments? if you ever, or the next time you do, remember you're so much more awesome thank you think you are. It's just time to reconnect. Here to help if you ever need.
Until next time, have fun, take care.
Nat talks about Self Expression, Heart Centred Communication and Lifestyle for Leaders.