The "Stuff" We Hurl into the Space Between Us

This week, in the process of work and life, i found myself re-contemplating one of the relationship faux pas I have seen and admittedly (I'm sorry world!) been guilty of in the past. Have you ever heard that Pink Song featuring Nate Reuss "Just Give me a Reason?" Have you ever experienced one of those odd tricky, confusing moments in life where you're standing there, scratching your head remembering how very convinced you were that there was a serious obstacle between you and a happy connection with the person on the other side of the relationship 10 mins, 10 days, 10 months ago, only to be somewhat confused when you have heard the words in this moment in response to your concern just expressed "lovely, i think maybe you're a bit in your head on that one. I'm fine. Come back out of there."

Image Credit: ​http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TableSpace

​They can be confusing these moments. Because everything that was going on for you felt so real up until 30 seconds ago. Now suddenly a whole other possibility is emerging. Another reality. One very different perhaps to the thoughts that just went through your head and what you thought was going on. Now i don't want to for a second dismiss the importance of that "stuff" when it comes up, as sometimes, like in our blog last week, it needs a bit of time, attention and resolution to help us hold a mindset and perspective that helps us move forward and love life. And, on a slightly different note, sometimes we need a little space (whether temporarily or ongoingly) between us and another to find ourselves and our groove.
 
 But what i'm talking about here, is what a wise individual once referred to as the "stuff" that ends up getting hurled into the space between us. Picture you and me standing where you are, 1 metre apart. Now think of the first old limiting belief that pops into your head, now look over to me and tell yourself that that is the reason that we can't connect. You've just taken some past belief/perception, which may or may not be true and hurled it into the space between us, which may now be preventing us from having the loving exchange we are here to have. E.g. me lovingly sharing this content with you, with loving intent and the desire for you to grow and be happy in your business and personal relationships, maybe even us working together, or having whatever personal interaction we're here to have. 

Whatever it was that you heard (and they usually come under the headings of either a) self defence b) self doubt, c) self sabotage or d) separation through judgement), these things become the mental "stuff" that sometimes prevents us from interacting with each other from our hearts and souls and manifesting the kinds of loving, long term connections and collaborations I believe the majority of us on this planet would truly like to have. This mental stuff, at times, if left to it's own devices, can become the focus and material that drives us apart. 

So if our desire is to deepen all of our work and personal connections, over creating separations, what can we do to help manage the mental stuff and better support our relationships of all kinds to grow?

1) Catch yourself in the moment when you have a negative response to the other and view that thought as if from a distance, with discernment. Hold the magnifying glass of truth up to it. What does it tell you about what you need right now or what you need in this situation with this person, or with others? Hold onto the intention that comes from it and make this your focus for all future interactions...everything else that comes up along the way, the hurt feelings, the pain, this is ultimately something that we created within ourselves and have the power to resolve within ourselves. The other person didn't do it TO us. Thus, when it comes to chatting with them, its good to be discerning about how much of the gory detail we really need to share, relative to what is going to help grow and move the relationship forward by working towards your mutual relationship goals. Think of it like gardening. It's finding the balance here between pouring roundup on your pretty flowers that are in full bloom (the full blow by blow details of your recent experience), verses sprinkling on just the right amount of water (e.g. what you learned that you need or would like going forward in this or maybe all relationships like this one.) Ok yes, sometimes in life some relationships are drastically out of sync with our values and who we're here to be and then sometimes it might be needed to just yank that little old flower out of your relationship garden. But my point is to consider how you want to truly nurture the beautiful garden that is your relationship with this person.

2) If you find yourself having been guilty of hurling the stuff, where appropriate, where you can, own it and find those two beautiful words "i'm sorry." 

3) Reconnect to your heart and soul (and let them inform your mind.) As i'm writing this to you, picture putting a hand on your lower belly, a few inches below your belly button and another on your heart. As you connect and communicate, have the intention of staying connected to and communicating from these places, which correspond to your heart and soul. Your soul knows better than anyone what is true for you, what is in integrity for you and how to relate with and from love. So, the next time you're in conversation, let it inform the direction of the conversation. 

4) Always approach your connections with an attitude of gratitude and minimal expectation. With one exception- the expectation (e.g.) trust that the people who you feel that heartfelt, soulful desire to allow into your inner work or personal circle, do also care about you too and want the best for you.

5) Finally, intend to be open to the possibility of both yours and their highest potential manifesting through you both and the natural flow of give and receive that develops when we intend to lead from the heart and soul. Surrendering to its flow sometimes means we have to let go of our minds desire to control. But time and time again, in my own personal experience and when i'm sitting with clients in session, watching their phones start to buzz with messages, emails and calls full of, not only love, but multiple opportunities that they'd recently added to their manifestation list, i can't help but smile with delight and gratitude that this managing the mental "stuff" pointers really do help you create relationships of all kinds that you love. But don't just take my word for it, feel free to put them into action; i'd love to hear too how you go

Until next time, have fun, take care.

Nat xx