Lord knows we’re powerful, intentional, creators and you can fill your world up with action, people and material stuff and distract yourself from awareness that it’s there. But the trouble is, if you didn’t actually get the download on what the problem was underneath the guilt and shame in the first place, the wounded parts will still sit there, dictating many of your choices and what you create and attract, overlording you with fear.
Then you might still be carrying the ghost of shame past, from times you might have been externally shamed by people you loved. You might still be projecting potential shame into the future that MIGHT come, if that person is not actually (you fear) able to love and accept your broken bits and mistakes. And finally, there’s the shame you yourself are holding about yourself in the present, while you judge the crap out of yourself for the times you felt you messed it up and should have done better.
All of which results in a whole bunch of fear....fear of what will happen when people find out who and what we really are, with our gaping wounds, fear of what we will lose and who will walk away or disown us because of our wounds and our past mistakes. Which results in altered action. Selective, carefully measured sharing. Not putting our needs or certain truths forward that might rock the boat. Or worse, catalyse the rapid progression, towards some negative relational end. It might have us avoiding certain people or places or experiences. Or playing out battles that feel so real, but if we could just see past the living movie that is our wounds, we’d see are completely not needed to have. Because, in the grand scheme of themes, another truth about how things actually really are, exists, beyond that very projection. Our projections about such things can then end up running our life. We end up giving them a lot more power than really serves.
Yet two things are the case. If we try and chop off and hide our wounded bits to be some “better” version of ourselves too fast, if we don’t take some time to heal and look at the wounds, we miss the golden bits within the experiences that are the very reason we are who we now are today and have the strengths that we do, not to mention have to give what we have to give. Sometimes we disproportionately underway the value of our broken parts, and the healing power within them, compared to the bright, shiny bits we know everyone will be all likes and praise for.
On a personal level, our wounds first need our love, acceptance and our gratitude for what we gained from them, before the projections will truly lose their vice like grip over our heads and hearts....and we get our power back. And the tricky thing, how can we truly expect to be loved for all of us, if we’ve taken some parts of ourselves and tried to literally hide them from view, behind our back (almost like hiding a wounded arm, with giant, gaping wounds needing attention, that are eventually going to have consequences for our health, plus we risk losing functionality of that limb in life, if we don’t deal with the wounds. Though while we might think we’ve successfully hidden them, the whole situation is somewhat apparent to the people watching us, who can see, feel, and eeew, dare I say it, smell that something is up. Even if they can’t initially work out what. How though, can they love us and help us heal, if we won’t let them see that our broken arm even exists?
It’s almost like we get a whole arm BACK, when we take the time to, whether alone ourselves or with people who can help, clean, sew up and treat any infection that’s set in on that hidden, broken arm.
When we take time to bring love, acceptance and gratitude to those parts of ourselves that we’re so afraid and ashamed of within ourselves, we get our power back.
We attract more of the right people, who will love and appreciate us for ALL of who we are when we do. And the ones who might already have wanted to love the shit out of all of us, can finally show up how we have been wanting/praying that they would show up all along.
The ones who are presently busy judging and hence cutting off the broken, mirroring limbs in themselves might well make a timely exit (and if they’re going to, well I always say, better to put all your limbs on the table up front and let the perceptions fall where they may, and if they’re going to go, then just get it out of the way BEFORE either of you invest the emotional equivalent of a house and land package in loving someone who would perhaps chose NOT to willingly stay, once you showed them how things really are. Who wants to keep suffering, feeling all the pain that comes, when you keep falling in love with a potential version of a reality and a future version of someone that doesn’t yet exist in reality? Or worse, get caught in the endless shame- grief cycle, trying to show up as some healed, perfect version of ourselves we would like others to believe that we already are, so that we finally feel “enough” for them. News flash, we’re actually, all already enough, for the right people.
It’s a FAR more powerful position to build a life from, when we present ourselves as the whole of who we are, broken limbs, diseases, failures, greatest griefs, little and extraordinary gifts, strengths, achievements, what we learned out of it and all.
Watch how fast too the haters we so much fear using those vulnerabale points against us, lose their power over you when they take a dig at or try and use your sensitive points as weapons and tools of manipulation over you, and you’re all Ned Flanders about it (e.g. all the gratitudes about ALL of it and how you're a better person now BECAUSE of it.)😂👌🏻
There is great power in being all of your authentic self. So be that gorgeous, messy, awesome, crazy, unique ray of light that you are. So love it all, give others a chance to love it all and then create your life from that place.
Nat talks about Self Expression, Heart Centred Communication and Lifestyle for Leaders.