People Pleasing Vs Empowered Personification

Wishing you a wonderful, fun, relaxing Easter break all 🙂 May your chocolate supply be plentiful. Hope you enjoy your time with loved ones and thinking of those of you who, for whatever reason, maybe can’t be with family in person this holiday break.

Here's some actually selfies of me this Easter, taking some actual downtime. Actually lazing in the shade for a couple of hours, actually meditating/contemplating on a beach, actually stopping to feel the ocean swirling around feet. Why do i say this? 

Because something else occurred to me today, or rather over the last 2 weeks, while i must have walked past, through or behind literally a thousand selfies in motion on the Gold Coast pre Comm Games, constructing their social realities, in a world where it's increasingly becoming the case that, wether in our entrepreneurial lives or our dating and relating ones,  our future success and fulfilment is deeply intertwined with the "brand me" identity we put online and it is increasingly the case that, as we consider posting anything, as Stillman and Stillman put it in Gen X at Work, we're all ever-more growing into constantly considering "does this really reflect well who i really am, what i stand for and "brand me?'

Today, i want to take it a step further to the next question, where does the balance lay between trying to please and prove some aspect of who we believe ourselves to be/some aspect of what we want others to see about us online AND just being the empowered embodiment of our highest potential?

Over the years, of most recently working as a Business and Leadership Coach, and prior to that (sometimes STILL now) a Relationship Coach, i've noticed the same thing happening in both realms of selling you and your services online and, in the dating sense, selling YOU online. And that thing is that there is a direct correlation between where the locus of control is sitting in terms of our perception of our personal power and entitlement and our success in engaging the type of clients or the quality of partner that our heart most desires to spend our time with.

​In the table here, on the left hand side (from left to right) the balance of power is external on the left, moving to internal on the right. And on the Y axis, the level of perceived success and fulfilment is low at the bottom of the chart, moving to high at the top of the chart. 

At the bottom, the sense of entitlement to directly ask for what one really wants is lower. Whereas up the top it is higher; only on the left, the overdeliverer is not really fully comprehending the incredible value that they're giving. Or in a way that they've already won the client or partner, yet they're still caught up in trying to prove that they're enough.

​The Self-empowered Personifier on the other hand, has been around the block long enough to get the value of what they're putting down, to understand the value of what they're offering and they're coming from a place of trust in sharing who they are and what they have to offer with the world, knowing that if the door turns out to be closed on this one after communicating all the right things, it's no biggy, they just move onto the next open door and it's that simple.

The two on the left hand side are fundamentally coming from a lack mindset. Whereas the ones on the right are coming from an abundant one. Only the Personifier is sharing the love freely, whereas the Avoider is tending to hold it close (both for themselves and for others) out of a bit of fear that they might not be met back if they open up to the world. Make sense?

The Personifier is a pretty cool place to aspire to be because they're in their power and their totally open to the flow of give and receive, both in business and relationship. They're in other words, masterful at manifesting what they want, relative to what the other person wants too and sustainably being of service. Like the Queen or the King, they are truly the Royal Ruler of their own reality.

Looking at that, does any one or ones in particular resonate for you? Can you see what the path of growth therefore will be to take things to the next level?

To recap on the blogs of this year so far, what can you work on to achieve that?
-Work on your self awareness
-Work on being authentically you
-Work on understanding the value that you bring to the table
-Work on effectively communicating what that is and negotiating for what you and the other party both want and or communicating how you can be of service
-Show up fully for whatever you agree upon and follow through to be, do and deliver upon that

So that you can lead and be of service to those you love while creating a life and a relationship you really love.

If you would like some support with any of that, this is exactly the kind of thing we look at in my 1 year Business and Leadership program and my Leadership Support program. If i can possibly help you out with any part of that process, just let me know.

And that's it for this week. Looking forward to chatting to you on the other side of of the break.

Nat xxoo