Hey there Leading Ladies and our supporters :-) I'm not quite sure what has been in the air today this last few days, but I've certainly had my "no more excuses" Lady Leader break through the b.s. pants on when its come to the game of remembering who we're truly here to be and realising and expressing that potential, instead of buying into the old beliefs and collective programs that have so long held us back. The more you do your daily practice of connecting with the earth, your soulful self and your deepest soulful aspirations for your self expression and service that day, the more it becomes so blatantly obvious, like Neo at the end of the Matrix, when he's seeing all the code, just how much the things we tell ourselves each days are so often just that, programs that keep us from seeing and feeling the power of our true nature and just how breathtakingly amazing, you're truly here to be. So in this weeks blog, here are 3 more habits you need to be aware of that may be preventing you stepping more fully into your feminine leadership and being both more influential as a leader and effective in supporting your clients.
Remember that thing you used to do, or might presently be doing when something at work, goes wrong, and there’s a Manager above you? You know that email or that chat you have with them, telling them what the issue is, and then waiting for an answer on how to proceed? Getting all stressed and antsy when you haven't got a response and they haven't showed up to fix it all? Yeah, you’ve got to give that one up now that you’re the leader. You are above you. Now, instead of looking up to be given a solution, now you have to be proactive in looking within and without to find and discern what is the best one, in finding, as one of my colleagues put it last week, who can help you and what can you delegate to others in the process? Where can you find resources to get it done and delegate to people who can help you do the job?
Likewise, no pointing the finger and saying “They did it!” when stuff happens. Now you’re there to back and support your team. Which means both "we did it (because I'm in charge)", and "how can our business help resolve this for you and or get you what you need?" A great leader owns their stuff and is capable of defending, supporting and standing by their tribe through their growth and learning, as well as allowing each of their team members to step up and lead in their area of expertise, where their own expertise might be lacking. Like a King or a Queen, calling on their team of advisors, who are all Kings and Queens in their own area of expertise.
1- Looking up for the answer when something goes wrong.
2-Not speaking your truth about what you really want and how you really feel.
Have you noticed lately, how suddenly, you have no real interest in playing the fake game, and playing out the old victim patterns anymore? There’s some massive clearing going on around this in the collective right now. And our soul self more than ever sees how pointless it is to play it out and gains absolutely no fulfilment from playing this game, its trying to remind us how powerful we really are to ask for what we want and create what we really want, plus to experience our highest potential and expression of self. That old habit of hiding our truth and not expressing it, just doesn't fly anymore.
Now more than ever, in order to lead, we have to be able to own and be more of our authentic self and deal with the whole fear of upsetting/disappointing/enraging people and not being liked bit. Wether its the leader, your colleagues, your partner, your friends, your family, some random on Facebook, learn to become ok with saying it how it is, with a view of receiving what you want and need and vice versa, from a centred place, and facing the consequences. Become ok with feeling what you feel when you get a no, or in the face of people’s stuff, which may not even be about you really.
I know this one can be hard. Sometimes we spoke up and there were epic consequences that might have lead us to develop a habit of beating around the bush in saying it how it is out of fear of not pleasing someone and incurring the wrath of any potential emotional explosions and loss of love, of approval, of support (or income) that went with it. But throwing a tanty as a grown up, is not the best or easiest way to get what we really want AND build long lasting alliances in your world. And as leaders, one of our challenges is to stop giving our power away to our fear of other peoples emotional projection ejaculating all over us, in favour of pleasing and appeasing them (or rather the raging beast within) when they want something.
You can spot an "emoji-jaculation" by the fact that the people who have them all over you, don’t wait around for a resolution. They spray their shit all over you, like an automatic weapon, then they don’t wait because they didn’t want a solution anyway, just someone else to blame so they don’t have to step up and feel the discomfort of what’s really going on inside them and do something about resolving it. Staying comfortably in the wounded child or adolescent self wanting rescuing, testing for your buttons to get a reaction, rather than stepping up and running one's own show. You’re not doing them, or you any favours by taking that sh@# personally and letting it rip you to shreds like bullets.
The metaphor I see for handling this is like Neo at the end of the first Matrix movie, when he said "no" and nailed dodging bullets in ways that defy the laws of physics, stopping them in mid air. That's kind of how we have to be with “emoji-jaculation (projection of emotional bullets in your direction). Like the matrix, it can look and feel very real, but really its not, its a program, that your soul self observing can clear see. Which means you can put your hand up and say no to taking that stuff on, which stops the bullets in their tracks. But at the same time, look back at the person knowing that what they need most in this moment, is love and to find the doorway back to their “true” soul self too, out of the Matrix of projection. And then to be asked what they really need.
Thats how a leader handles peoples tanties. Likewise, that means having to own our human stuff any time we want to emoji-jaculate bullets of pissed offness over others. How can we love ourselves through that reaction, and then communicate what we really need on the other side? With love and gratitude, without expectation? This also means trusting that, if that person in front of us can’t meet us, maybe you can do it in the interim or someone else can instead of the person you asked. Every time you hear a no, remember, that’s simply a reminder to go knock on another door, the door with a happy YES I would love to help on it.
3- Our need for validation and acknowledgement.
This one is about the way our need for validation and healing can potentially de-rail what we're hoping to achieve with our clients by making us less available to be present with them. Watch out for this one from time to time when you're considering writing a blog or post in times of challenge. .
You might notice this when people give a lot of comments encouraging you and coaching you, but don’t take action on sharing themselves or signing up for you. It could be that their sense that there is more of a part of you in that moment needing healing and validation than is able to be available to help them with whatever they need. In which case, how can you give yourself the validation and love you actually need in that moment? Can you make time to have a little chat with yourself and keep saying “i see you. What do you need? Let me give it to you. I love you and I’m here for you.” Can your call your own self love down from your higher self, from your soul and give all of the wounded parts calling for love exactly what they need to receive to heal? At some point, to truly come into our adult maturity and leadership capability, we have to stop posting from a place of “hey check me out and see how great I am [Daddy/Mummy!) Do you see, do you see! Look what I did! Look how clever I am?” And getting all child- like pissy about it that no-one is available to like and shower us with attention in that moment, instead learning to appreciate our own love and validation, plus our own company. No one can be there for us like we can be there for ourselves. Because no one else is with us 24/7. So it pays to start chatting to and loving that being within you, so that you can be more present firstly within yourself. And secondly, with the world and with your clients.
Because while your clients, yes are there to hear your wisdom, for it to be of greatest benefit to them, it has to be shared once you’ve come through your challenge, from the lesson perspective, with resources to give back to them. Otherwise, if you do it in the moment of being in the depths of it, they’ll either try and heal you, or pull away until you have something to give back and return once you've dealt with it. Until such time as they can feel you have the internal bandwidth to show up for them. I”m not saying it has to be only one way all the time. But I’m just saying to be mindful of how your need for validation plays out and if its ever skewed in the direction of you needing validation more of the time, when people are paying for your support. They need you to, at times, be able to both take them by the hand and lead them and take a stand for them when they can’t see their way out of their own stuff. Or they need an answer. Or to learn a skill that you have, that they don’t. That's hard to do when you're both falling in and blinded by the fog. It's easy to see whats right in front of you, harder to sense what's going on for them on the other side.
So the question for remedying this one might be: how can I love myself more and be more present with and for my clients and and those around me?
There's no need for our past traumas to keep getting in the way of us being able to do the work we're here to do. If I remembered in recent weeks that this has always been one of my biggest fears that what I had been through would permanently get int he way of the work I'm here to do, with the technique I now use to address, with such love and gentleness, the resolution of past trauma, it has never been more obvious to me just how much that is not true that they will hold us back. But also just how very quickly they shift and heal and we come back to our joyful, fullest feminine selves when we be brave enough to and willing enough to truly heal and let it go. And then laugh at how badly we just fell for that (it turns out) completely erroneous emotion-loaded belief we had. I know some of you won't be ready or willing to laugh about it yet. But trust me, one day soon, I promise, you will. Come and do some work with me one on one and I tells you, that will happen whole lot quicker.
Until next time, have fun, take.
Nat talks about Self Expression, Heart Centred Communication and Lifestyle for Leaders.