Dear Practitioner women of the world (and men if you happening to be reading this too).
RE the self doubt, the perfectionism, the procrastination, the syndrome that a childhood full of Disney programmed into us so well of waiting for the Knight in Shining Armour Million Dollar Mentor or the Fair Godmother to sweep in and rescue you, do all the work for you and give you the answers and the programs for you....or for free. And the feeling depressed and down on yourself for “only having achieved” this, and not the heights of success of millionaire life of luxury that mass marketing, from the time we were born, drummed into us that we deserve. We don't ever have to talk about it out loud, but you know what I'm talking about, right? First world problems, it's ok, we've all been there at some point.
Now my friend, you are your own sovereign being, so I can’t make you chose self love and stop playing the mental depreciation game. But remember, you do have a choice. And you DO have the power to create something now more fulfilling and self loving. You have thousands of tools around you at your disposal to help you lift out of this place, internal and external. And if you are really serious about stopping playing the beat yourself up game, here’s 5 things to consider that will definitely help you realign your personal power in the positive direction.
1- Re-finding your true motivation.
I’m willing to bet, but tell me if I’m wrong, that beating yourself up in self doubt, negative self talk and procrastination is not the reason you originally became a practitioner, am I right? Let’s take a moment to remember, what was it that lead you to become a Practitioner? Can you remember? What was it that lead you to with such conviction, commit to making a difference way back when? Here’s something important to remember, most likely, it wasn’t about you. Let me say that again, it wasn’t about you, am I right? It was about your clients and how you could help them. So if right now, you’re struggling with self doubt, perfectionism and feeling stuck or uncertain. Stop. And bring it back to being of service. What do your clients need right now? How can you be of service to them? What can you share with them that will make a difference in their life and hence give them great value?
2- Not that mind stuff again! (yes my dear friend, that mind stuff again.)
“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control.”
Sorry my loves, but try as you may, there is really just no way around this one. We were born with the tools inside us to create an awesome, abundant life and your mind is one of them. So, for the next few days, I want you to pay more attention to your thoughts. Notice them. What are you telling yourself? Once you notice, for any given thought you can ask yourself. How did that just make me feel thinking that? Is that how I want to feel? How do I want to feel instead? What’s a thought or a belief that would lead to me feeling like that instead? (Whatever you come up with, this will be your new affirmative thought or belief to tell yourself and surround yourself with in your environment instead.) But more than that, is what I just told myself really true? Or have I just bought into some story I’ve told myself that’s maybe not how it really is and how people really see me? How will I ever really know for sure, unless I ask them? Is holding that belief helping and supporting me and others to grow and connect? No? Then maybe it’s time to create a new story too. What is the gold in this situation? How do you want the story to read instead?
3- Yes, that gratitude stuff again too.
Years back my Mother left me a story in a beautiful book full of life lessons she made for me before she died. One story was about a guy left standing on a mountain at the end of the world, surrounded by the growing flood. He prayed and prayed for God to perform a miracle and save him. Then suddenly, from across the land, another man hikes up to him with delight. “hey there, lucky we found you, let’s get to higher ground. The man looks at him and smiles and says, thank you my friend, but there’s no need, I’m waiting on God to perform a miracle and save me!” A little perplexed, the man returns to his 4wd and drives away.
The flood waters grow dangerously higher and the man, a little worried, but still full of faith, prays again to be saved and moves to higher ground. Just then, a helicopter shows up, spots him and lowers down to help. The man yells back, it’s ok, I don’t need you, God will be here soon to save me!” Again, the helicopter flies away. He stands there and waits a bit longer, wondering when God is going to show, and then a guy in a boat pulls up and yells out “Hey buddy, I’m here to help, jump in.” Again, the guy smiles and yells out, “Don’t’ worry, its ok, God is going to save me!” Again, after trying to reason, the boat man gives up and departs.
Then suddenly the mountain shakes beneath him, crumbles, he tumbles into the water and he drowns. When he arrives in heaven, God wanders up and greets him, with delight, but surprised to see him. The man yells at him furious. “I prayed to you and prayed to you, but when it came down to it, where were you for me? You never showed up! And now I’m dead!” “God looks at him, puzzled. And says, “My friend, I’m sorry, I can’t imagine what went wrong. You asked for help, so I sent you a man in a 4WD. When you asked again, I sent you a helicopter. And when I heard you ask again, I sent a boat. Did they not make it to you?” ...Finally the man gets it.
It’s amazing what we sometimes don’t see or do while we’re too busy waiting for a miracle, blinded by our mental expectations, positive or negative, that it will look or feel or sound a certain way. Yet our higher self and then the universe is sending us answers to our prayers and putting them literally right in front of our face every single day. Sometimes, in fact the miracle already lies waiting within us.
Are you recognising and appreciating the miracles, inside and out, when they arrive? Are you recognising the miracle that you already are? It’s time to make another list of all the things you have to be grateful for. This is the basic foundation of creating and attracting more of it.
4- Surrounding yourself with loads of the right stuff.
I read a brilliant rule recently, the rule of 33%. It says that at any given time, one should aspire to be surrounded by one third people who are perhaps in need of support (e.g. your clients), one third who are at about the same level in life as you are, appreciating and loving life with you right here, right now (eg your friends) and one third who already are where you are aspiring to be next in life.
I’m an avid believer in being discerning about who and what you spend your time with and when. Because as they say, we quite literally start to become just like the people we spend the most time around. And unconsciously we’re always taking in and on all the things we surround ourselves with in our environment. The music and lyrics we listen to, the TV shows and news we watch, the things we ingest and apply to ourselves, the décor of our homes. As well as who we surround ourselves with and what they’re putting out there as well as what we’re putting out there can all influence our health and wellbeing too. And I believe its important to regularly, twice daily at least, take stock of the energy out/energy in equation. (More on this in step 5.)
In reference to people, all of us are human, we’re all going to fall down some times. But some of us are better at self awareness and the self responsibility game than others. Sharing and reflecting upon our personal experience helps us make sense of what is “really” going on between us and someone, and also helps us both grow and own our stuff. BUT if there’s someone else in your life who consistently demonstrates that they’re still in the process of healing and for now they’re either unconsciously hurling blame , stuff, criticism, judgement, abuse at you, OR just need some time to process something that feels overwhelmingly core and massive, OR if they know what they’re doing and STILL would rather hurl their stuff at you, blame you and criticise and judge you, rather than take a look in the mirror and take responsibility for it, or they’d rather you rescue them from how they feel and rely on you to make them feel better than do the internal work themselves to cultivate and much that same state, until such time as they’re willing to look at their stuff and come from the glass full, strength based, lift each other up way of looking at things, then it might be a good thing and a healthy thing to create some healthy distance between you and them, from a place of love and intending what’s truly best for the well being of all.
“I unconditionally love you, by my ego despises you”- JP Sears
With those people that we still have ongoing possibilities of interactions and ongoing relationships with, try to cultivate an acceptance and appreciation that they are where they’re at, they are who they are and they need what they need at this time and that’s ok (and in the grand scheme of things, perfect). And you are who you are, you are where you’re at and you need what you need and that’s ok too. But you do no doubt still have some common ground and things in common? What are they? And what could you do together that you will still both enjoy, but that wont take you into a place where you’re going to have room and time to end up in a lengthy analysis and argument about the no win stuff that for now at least seems to end in a stalemate? Maybe its short phone check ins, catching up for a coffee, or, recreationally speaking, going to see a movie or do something experiential, as opposed to staying over for the night.
Cutting people out completely I think should only though be a last resort, when the party or parties involved are taking no responsibility for their part in the creation of this situation, when perhaps someone doesn’t understand/know how to/appear willing to be supportive and sensitive to something massive you’re going through and no amount of communicating what you need is helping or welcomed (even if only temporarily) or if some parties highly abusive or destructive behaviour compromises your (or their) safety and wellbeing, when the impact of what is triggered feels so horrendously destructive or painful to you or is so draining that, until everybody owns their stuff and you’ve had a chance to access support and look after you and heal (and them too), you really do have no other choice but to (even if only temporarily) cut the chord to either create some distance to heal, to protect yourself in your vulnerability and to maintain your ability to be who you came to be and reach your highest potential in all aspects of life as a basic human right and them too.
But if that’s not the case. If everyone involved is willing to come from the love filled, glass full, self responsible, how do we honour, lift each other up, be in our hearts and live a life we love place, and if work related, the make a difference/service place, why not give some consideration to the rule of 33%? Not as a rule of absolutes (as there’s certainly going to be overlap for different people in practical application on this principle.) But as a method of starting to discern what you need and what really supports you and others to be who they’re here to be, to become their highest potential and or make a difference and live a live one loves.
5- Reconnecting with “the real”
Finding, living a life you love and being of service do not have to be separate. If you align with your life purpose, you will actually be both doing what you’re here to do/ what you love AND make a genuine, valuable difference for your clients at the same time. So how do you reconnect with “what’s real?” With the essential self? Your soul? Your higher self? Your highest potential to be love, live a life you love and lead by example to be of genuine highly valuable service to your clients? Here’s just a couple of suggestions:
-get outdoors. As a colleague of mine recently wrote, nothing reconnects you to your true essence faster than getting outdoors and being in nature.
-What makes you laugh? Do some of that.
-What do you do for fun, that makes you feel all light hearted and happy? Do some of that.
-Go connect with someone you care about. But really connect, look at each other from the heart, through the windows to the soul. All the illusion drops away in that space. THAT is what’s real.
-Have sex (make sure you intend to connect your heart though, or it might just become another means of escaping the “soul” self. If you’re not sure why, feel free to ask me.)
-Meditate and focus on your Hara/Tan Tien, e.g. the seat of your soul in the body (and if you’re a woman, in combination with your womb) and intend to bring your 3 brains, head, heart and gut into perfect alignment
-If you’re someone identifying as a Female Practitioner, or interested in connecting more with your feminine self, buy and purchase this simple meditation practice below that will help you utilise the power of nature to reconnect with your essential self, recharge your batteries and bring you back into perfect alignment with your life purpose, your gifts, your inner wisdom, your bliss and your curiosity about how to make a difference in your clients lives while bringing them amazing value, plus your ability to take inspired action. What is the ultimate benefit of this? Other than attracting a whole heap of clients who need exactly everything you are and have to offer, and you feeling that awesome feeling after you’ve helped them. Abundance! Who doesn’t want that?
SLALSL Soul Essence Meditation
Until next time, have fun, take care
Nat talks about Self Expression, Heart Centred Communication and Lifestyle for Leaders.