Natalie Ferrier | Leadership and Speaking Coach Mentor Speaker Trainer
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"Enough with the drama already"- what your inner Diva/Divo is REALLY trying to tell you

7/20/2017

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Maybe its the fact that we're travelling through inner child Cancerian territory lately and on the verge of a new moon in Leo (and Leo is all about owning and shining in our authentic full expression as our King/Queen self) and apparently Mercury is in there stirring up the shadow of the Drama Queen/King , but there's a lot of posts and talks getting around right now to the effect of "cut the shit with the drama.' From my own experience and many years experience working with business owners, it is totally true that, one of the reasons so many business owners and leaders never reach their full potential, or just start to get momentum and then get pulled or pull themselves back out of it, is because they get caught up in the merry-go-round of past trauma and present drama (theirs and others) that ends of taking up a lot of their time, focus and energy instead. I talk a little more about this in day 5 of my 7 Days to the Life I Love Challenge.

JOIN THE 7 DAY CHALLENGE
​However, it's a little hard to stop creating drama until you understand what you or others are actually creating crisis for and getting out of it in the first place.....after having a big reminisce with a friend today, about my Queen, my inner Soulful Diva Gypsie Fashionista and all the times at which i just started to get more momentum and some family or partner crisis happened THEN of all moments (or an immediately family member literally picked that of all moments to throw a tantrum about what an asshole I am) the light side and shadow side of life criris/life drama equation, I thought that's what i'd write about this week. 

For most people going through times of challenge, there's actually something in it that they deeply crave, that they haven't yet come to terms with that they need and have not been getting.  And that is the gold they need to sift out of the crisis, that will help them reclaim their power and get what they REALLY most deeply crave out of life. What is it that they REALLY want?

The Diva/Divo energy, In the positive, is a lot about our quest for feeling more alive in life, it's the deep desire to want to experience more passion, to feel and express the intensity of life and the rawness of human experience that comes when you live your life purpose and in your interactions, from the heart and soul. Also within it, when shared with others, is the passionate, deep, heart and soulful, fully present level of connection that, on some level, ALL people deeply crave (but are usually, freaking terrified of.)  There are, yes,  all kinds of trauma being brought to our attention to heal through said "dramatic" life events. But one of the most overlooked reasons to understand for people who are constantly copping shit about how much drama is in their lives, is that, very often, the deep, heart on your sleeve, passionate, lively expression and the thrill of the adventure is what they REALLY want, over it's stressful, adrenalin provoking counterpart, which makes us feel alive in a different way. (Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying grief or pain or any such similar experience is bad, these are a part of us that we must accept to be whole. But I'm simply alluding to where one becomes the substitute for when one is not actively pursuing or experiencing the other polarity, in balance.)
​
Picture
​​What the Diva/Divo in healing also craves is to be fully seen, acknowledged and validated for the awesomeness of who they truly are and all they have to offer WHEN they are 100% expressed and living that truth. The King or the Queen has learned to give that to themselves an needs no-one's approval, whatever you want to call the shadow bit...it's still pulling itself off track at times demanding to be validated and seen. The wounded part at those times sometimes doesn't even know WHAT exactly it want to be seen/acknowledged FOR. And of course it doesn't. It grew up being told by someone external who and what it is....so is it any wonder, when life gets confusing it demands the attention of some external authority to get it back? The gold in the experience is for the wounded part to SELF-explore it's passion and desire for expression and connection in life and create a vision of what a life lived like that might look like.)
Picture


​​More than that, some people, in the positive are also here to BE performers, they're here to influence, entertain or educate large amounts of people, and their charismatic, soulful, strutting their stuff and loving the spotlight side is something they we're gifted with for a reason. This has been one of my life lessons as someone with a performing arts background for sure...part of this person's success in their life purpose is dependent upon them OWNING and fully embracing that part of themselves....as well as taking full responsibility for and learning to love and accept the shadow of it and capture the gift within 'said drama' of what it's showing you that you REALLY NEED in life when you're not getting it from your life purpose or your connections. This will trigger the crap out of some of you, but the biggest healing for the Performer is to admit that they freaking LOVE drama because they love the intensity of a felt life lived from the heart. No-one loves hurting people but they DO, DO want to love and connect all-out with others with depth and passion. So one of the most liberating lessons for them is to OWN that and then channel their passion and life force into the highest, most soulful expression for themselves going forward.

​
The gift of such 'dramatic' life events for us and others overall, is that they slingshot us BACK into ownership of our passion, purpose and power. And in love, they remind us when we've not yet given ourselves permission to express it and connect with others, particularly a lover, with a depth of heartfelt love and passion that both terrifies as well as satisfies us for all it reveals to us about ourselves and others, and allows us to feel, in the presence of a higher, sacred, soulful love.


What the reason for creating or attracting said life challenges is, is  something to look at in itself for each person in themselves. But in terms of what we're personally really craving, the questions in addition to 'why does this keep happening to me or them" to ask instead are:

In Relationship:
What is a healthy way to be getting the level of deep, heart-centred, intense, connection and passion I REALLY CRAVE in a relationship?.  (From the person who is truly aligned with me to give it) 

(Rather than having one's sense of self worth be dependent upon the feedback, praise, feedback, validation of others) What is a healthy, mutually honouring, productive way to give myself first the love and acknowledgement part of me is seeking in connection with others? (so that i can then see it mirrored back to me?)

Workwise:
How can I/they come back to connecting more deeply with my/their life purpose and my/their mission? And (after i've sent my wounded bits some love) Where can i re-focus my energy on the task at hand of getting that mission in concrete motion? 

At play:
What is my outlet for all that passion and for my creativity (maybe even sensuality) to be expressed? What things do i do for fun that make me feel more alive and connected?

These are the questions that help us get the gold of what the inner Diva/Divo is really trying to tell us. Bless them. What is yours trying to tell you????

Nat xoxo

Image Credit:
Zoolander 2
"'Zoolander 2' borrows some of the fashion world's tricks to build buzz"
http://www.latimes.com/fashion/la-et-mn-zoolander-production-20160212-story.html
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    Nat talks about Self Expression, Heart Centred Communication and Lifestyle for Leaders.
    ​Plus being 40, Fecund and Freaking Fabulous for the % of Women who (by choice or circumstance) are exploring career, love and lifestyle, beyond the traditional life path of biological Motherhood.

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  • Home
  • About
    • My 40 No Kids Now What Story
    • TESTIMONIALS
    • WELCOME WOMENS COMMUNITY
  • EVENTS
    • Express Like You Creative Expression Performance and Speaking Practice Event Series
    • Lead Like You Chai and Chat Webinar Creating Inner Safety
    • Lead Like You Chai and Chat Webinar Unleash your Unique Leadership Presence
    • WELCOME Women Without Kids Virtual Meetup May
  • PROGRAMS
    • BOOK A SESSION
    • Do What You Love
    • Lead Like You
    • MIDDLE AGED NO KIDS NOW WHAT
    • Say it Like It Is
  • Blog
  • contact
    • BOOK A TIME WITH ME
  • Donations Partnership and Sponsorship
  • RESOURCES
    • PODCAST 40 NO KIDS NOW WHAT
    • 40 No Kids Now What YouTube Channel
    • ARTICLE So Why Don't You Have Kids The Conversation Leaders need to be having instead about the growing percentage of people doing life without children
    • WELCOME Women Thriving Holiday Listen Read and Watch List