Ever seen two people you love talking at each other, rather than to each other? Ever felt like that's been you? Here's a few tips to drastically improve your communication so that all involved feel met and understood.
I've been really noticing this week in the course of life and just listening to random people's daily conversations, even online ones, how is it that two beautiful, ginormous heart connected people, can so quickly go from a conversation where they truly understand one another, to almost having two completely separate conversations, separated by a wall of frustration?
In that listening have you ever seen with couples particularly how one person is saying one thing and the other person is just totally talking over the top of them, completely missing the point or even that the other person already gave them the answer they were seeking? And then they just work each other up into more and more frustration, all because they're not stopping to actually be really present in the moment and give 100% of their attention to what is really being said in that moment? As much as they are in their head, responding from their mental construct of how they think it is in that moment, constructing legal defense or the previously rehearsed version of what they wanted to perhaps communicate in this conversation (or one like it, as healing old wounds may dictate) holding their egos ground to prove a point like ones life depends on it, but in the process missing the reality of what is really unfolding in the moment, between these two beautiful people, and their ginormous hearts?
If we stop and truly attune to what is really going on with the other person in that moment, to what that person is really trying to communicate with their words, with their body language with their tone of voice, with their energy, they'd be having a completely different conversation.
One where they truly heard each other and felt with their hearts and souls what the other is truly trying to say. Listening and communication...not just a mental thing! But good listening, is a whole body thing. Bringing 100% awareness (or as much as possible anyway) means not just listening with your ears, but with every cell of your being, allowing your focus to travel out to the other to meet them, feeling in yourself for what they're feeling and putting out, or not putting out as may be the case. Watching the way their posture changes, their breath changes, their facial expression, what they pause or stumble on, what they smile or laugh or light up at, and most importantly of all, what their eyes tell you that nothing else does.
It's pretty hard to argue with someone, when you look them in the eyes, with your heart and reach out to their heart. So many conflicts in my life I've stopped in their tracks right there with that one move alone. "I see you, I feel you, I love you, how do we meet half way?" Truly showing up heart to heart, dissolves all that mental "stuff". So many relationships too, got so long delayed, from missing what was really being said in those moments. Of course I've been as guilty of these things as every one of those people I saw.
Timely reminder, isn't it, in the sharing of this, for us all, to really be there in our hearts and our bodies as best we can in our communications in all moments. But it requires trust too, doesn't it? It's vulnerable too, communicating from that place. Letting down the wall and trusting the other to be gentle with us when we're connecting to that place. But the stronger our sense of self I find, the easier it is to show up in that space without fear. And to navigate our focus and our energy in and out of connection with that person as daily life may require.
And the beautiful thing is, this works not just in person, but online too. You can attune to and feel for what the person writing that post and those words is really feeling and really saying, beyond whatever triggers us....so....damn...much! Sometimes they're not as far apart from us as we first think, and more than that, we might even be saying, experiencing or valuing even the same thing underneath all that projection and assumption. Always pays to back up what you're getting with a question to confirm that they really mean what you think it is that they mean. All make sense?
Until next time, have fun take care, chat soon.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.